Sunday, August 23, 2015
Sunday, August 16, 2015
And for the first time in a long time, I was jealous.
Not of their beauty, not of their dance moves, not of their lingerie, although every bit was unique and sensational.
I was jealous because these stand out women were confident in who they were and what they were doing. They did not care that they were not the 'definition' of pretty or petite. They were square pegs proudly displaying themselves for all to see with no shame in this very round world.
As a square peg once desiring to fit into a round hole, a very square, wide peg who cannot find out how to fit into the slim round hole, I found this fascinating and uplifting.
Unfortunately, for too long, this square peg did not realize why she even wanted to fit into that slender, much sought after spherical hole. I thought I needed to, that I was expected to, that if I didn't fit, squish, or force myself into that pretty, round hole I was not living up to all that I should be. I am not sure where this asinine thought process has came from, where it has evolved from...but it has and it has clouded my vision of myself and caused friction with others. Anytime someone has offered me a compliment, genuine or not, I shoot them down. Callously and immediately, I make sure to inform them I am in no way shape or form deserving of compliments or kudos.
Unflinchingly I dismissed their praise and love. Although, I truly believed...believe...I am not worthy of any kind of recognition it took me a while to realize not only was I further battering myself down into the ground, but I was calling my friends and family liars. If anyone I complimented tore themselves down even a quarter of the way I did...do...I would debate with them until they could see their wonderful attributes, contributions or beauty.
Square pegs can sometimes spend so much time outside of that damn round hole that it forces them to wonder if they will fit in anywhere. It might take some time but eventually they will realize they do not need to fit in anywhere that forces them to change their true shape. They stand sturdy and well enough on their own.
One day, maybe and that's a really big maybe, I'll be brave enough to do burlesque or wear sexy outfits just because I want to. More importantly, I am working on embracing my squareness and remembering that I have to fit into no predestined mold.
Today has been a Sunday Confession with the one and only More Than Cheese And Beer about squares. If you would like to join in the link up with a blog of your own please do so at the linkup.
Friday, August 14, 2015
Hello and happiest of Friday's to you. Today's post is a writing challenge. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words.
That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.
My words are:
Stitch ~ challenge ~ close ~ question ~ absolutely not
They were submitted by:http://batteredhope.blogspot.com
At the end of this post you’ll find links to the other blogs featuring this challenge. Check them all out, see what words they got and how they used them.
* * *
There was never a question in her mind about the company she chose to keep. Her friends and lovers were fierce and fabulous. They gave no second thoughts to the words they let fall out of their mouth...well nothing fell out of their mouths. The words they chose to say were clearly and specifically enunciated and they had no regrets on whatever different or offensive views they held or spouted.
It was a challenge for her to be close to these fabulous friends. She felt, as she always did, that she did not fit in. She was not worthy in her mind to be surrounded by funny, beautiful souls that could make her laugh with an arch of an eyebrow or the driest sarcastic quip about something in the news. When she was with them, she felt alive, she felt relevant, she felt some semblance of normalcy and it made her feel uncomfortable in ways she could not properly articulate.
They weren't perfect. She was under no illusion to buy that line of bull. She saw them for what they were-beautiful. They were flawed, mistaken, wrong more so than right, loud, and silly. But did that mean they weren't the best people to be around? Absolutely not. They were honest about their shortcomings and learned from them. They made no excuses for who they weren't but rather embraced who they were. They lived and loved in the moment, urging her to move past the dark cloud of self-doubt that always plagued her. Promising her that if she was brave enough to take their hands, even with her shaky sweaty palms, it would be so worth it.
Still, she hesitated.
She always did.
She was broken. Stitched together by memories and mistakes, misnamed and misplaced by herself and others, she feared, as she always did, that one day they would see her clearly. Their eyes would adjust to the light, they would squint and tilt their heads just right and in unison they would mumur and agree, she wasn't worth it.
When it came to others it was so easy for her to see that the cracks they had simply allowed the light to shine in. But she knew better, for they were lined with stained glass shrines and any light that permeated them would transform them into a piece of art. She, however, was lined with broken fun house mirrors, distorting reality and forcing the bright and blinding light back out through her cracks.
At least, she thought, when that happened she could at be a light for others even if she was lost in the darkness.
* * *
Please stop by these other wonderful bloggers and see how they crafted a post off the words they were given:
Monday, August 10, 2015
Friday, August 7, 2015
The most important habit, skill, ability I have become proficient in, is not giving a shit.
Now, does that mean that I care about nothing? No, definitely not! It simply means I carefully choose what I invest my time and energy into. There are so many things in this world that seemingly exist to drain us of our happiness and peace that there comes a time we must put our foot down and declare, that we will not be treated like shit, we will not take shit, we are the shit and we will not give a shit about those who try to ruin our day.
Life, albeit beautiful and magical, is exhausting. There are personal and public battles we must face, internal turmoils we project onto others to protect our hearts, and the ridiculous tiring notion that we somehow believe that we must prove or defend our actions, our wants, our desires-ourselves-to others. The flaw with that though? The people in our lives who truly love and accept us will love us through our worst times. They may not agree with us, they may not support us, but they'll love us and not demand that we change or alter ourselves. If we truly need help, they'll be by our side. How rare and amazing it is to have those kind of people that we can share our darkness, our problems, our struggles with and still have them by us.
If you are in a position where you are in a low in life, a muddy spot if you will, and you have people willing to get dirty helping you out of the quagmire you somehow got yourself into-why the hell would you give two shits on what someone on the outside thinks about you or where you are in life?
You should not.
You should be focusing on the outstretched hand that's been trying to pull you out of the mess you're in, the one that will towel dry you off, the one that's not afraid to shake some sense into yout-that's what matters-not simple peoples quick snap judgments from afar of your life that they know nothing about.
Not giving a shit has helped me become comfortable in who I am. It has helped me embrace my geek, wholeheartedly and unabashedly. It has helped fuel me to pursue what makes my heart happy whether or not anyone else approves. I find nowadays I may read too much, hug really hard, let my nerd and freak flag fly, laugh too loud, sing obnoxiously and atrociously, become attached too soon, cry at the drop of the hat, give you the shirt off my back and probably trust people even after they prove I shouldn't. I don't keep my mouth shut, annoyingly and frequently question anything that peaks my interest, stare at the clouds *maybe* a smidgen too much and skip the how are you formalities in conversations and dive right into the weird science article I just read about.
Worrying or wondering what so and so will say or think about my choices will only hinder me. I may not be able to break dance amazingly or play the violin to nary a dry eye in a packed house, I certainly cannot woodwork to save my life and mechanics is not my thing. But being me? I am finally getting the hang of it. Not...all the time but I'm getting there. Embracing who I am and mastering the skill of not caring about the opinion of others has helped me focus on what would be best for me and my family and it has been the best skill I have ever learned in my life.
Friday, July 17, 2015
This was supposed to post at 10:00 a.m. today…however, life had other plans, so now it's coming to you a little late. Forgive its tardiness but loves its content…that’s all I ask. ;)
Maybe I am a bitch for writing this…maybe this a passive aggressive rant that has been festering in my soul for a while…maybe I am just a slut at heart and think other people have the rights to be sluts too.
Or maybe, I just don’t give a damn what people wear. Maybe I have been judged based on my shitty clothes I had growing up that we got from church donation piles, maybe I have been judged because my hair was hideous after getting chopped off at home because we didn’t have money for professional haircuts-that shit was fancy. Maybe I have been called a whale, an orka, a blimp, by loved ones, not really strangers too much, a little too much. Maybe, just maybe, because I was never judged to my face when I traded a piece of my soul for some sanity in the arms of other people in a false attempt to find love, I developed an understanding that life is more than what meets the eye.
We have the right to be greedy and recognize we are not one dimensional. We are many, many, many things.
People are going to judge us, they will call us lazy, fat, stupid, ugly, and other not so kind words. Maybe they do not mean to, maybe they do not realize how hurtful it is, or how sad it makes them sound but it does not change the fact that it will go on. However, we can choose to embrace it or reject it. I say reject that shit.
http://www.BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado
Friday, July 10, 2015
Hello and Happy Friday!
Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week 13 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.
* * *
Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:
~ ~ ~
My “Secret Subject” is:
What are your traditions for the 4th of July and why do you insist on keeping them?
It was submitted by: Southern Belle Charm -thank you for the prompt!
* * *
I am not sure I have any that are consistent. There is no annual barbecue or specific place we must go to see the fireworks. We are more 'go with the flow' type of people.
Sometimes, I host get togethers, other times...I will be the guest helping you clean up and urging you to sit down while I mix us a drink.
Traditions, while they can be comforting at times, do not work for me. Life tends to get in the way. It gets hectic and messy. The stuff I've planned goes awry then when I've settled on nothing somehow everything falls into place.
I like unpredictable and fun. My inner control freak is dying that I said that for the record...but over the years I have found it is much better to go with the flow rather than get worked up over not being able to do certain things the way I planned.
This most recent 4th of July, I spent the early hours of it playing board games and drinking, making fun questionable decisions with good friends. I wish I had a ton of pictures to share...but we were too busy verbally abusing each other and making innuendos to stop and take pictures. The actual day, we did nothing memorable-mom was feeling quite crappy and my goal was just to make her comfortable.
The only 'tradition' I suppose I have is that I try to spend it with people I love and who makes my life better simply being in it. It is never so much what we are doing but more so spending time with those who makes our days worthwhile and anything and everything fun.
That should be the only tradition that matters-spending time with those who make our hearts happy.