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NaPoWriMo Day 15: Giving In

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Giving in, isn't always a bad thing.
It's about accepting what you want and who you are. 
Its about learning boundaries, and learning what you need. 
Giving in,  doesn't mean you are weak. 
It just means you know what you want, and you're ready to admit it to yourself. 

NaPoWriMo Day 14: Giving Yourself Some Grace

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When the day seems dark, and the hours seem long,  and you feel exhausted, and you feel the pressure of society to do a million things to be super mom,  or the best friend ever, or the next June Cleaver wife,  and you know you have a million people to please. 
Just remember one thing to help get you through the day. 
You have every right to tell people to fuck off so you can regain some peace of mind. 
Don't forget to tell yourself to fuck off too, when you start comparing,  judging yourself,  being self-deprecating. 
Because no one has time for that shit. 
Just,  fuck off now  and give yourself some grace because you set the tone of what you put up with and how you should be treated. 

NaPoWriMo Day 13: Owing Nothing

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It's a beautiful thing, when you realize, that you owe nobody a damn thing. 
Your body is yours. 
Your mind is yours. 
Your life is yours. 
The thought, that you owe someone your time, is a lie.
The thought, that you should pay someone with your body, is false. 
The thought, that you need to explain to someone your emotions,  is incorrect.
Your time and energy is valuable.  Just like you.
While it may be nice if you did these things, while it may be kind, while it may be expected, you were not born to live for others. 
Being kind and exhausting yourself for the comfort of others, does nothing for you. 
Remembering,  however, that you are meant to live this life for you and you alone, will get you to where you want to be, and more importantly, lead you to who you were meant to be. 


NaPoWriMo Day 12: Ode to School

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I don't remember school being so hard as a child. Did my want to learn dissipate somewhere along the line? Or does the working full time, trying to take care of the house,  wanting to still see your loved ones in your life,  somewhat put the damper on trying to do well in  school,  homework, tests, studying and clinicals? 
Just.
Just got to make it to May.
I used to say with my sanity.
But,  I don't think I ever had that since I willingly agreed to take on all this at once. 
So. 
Just one day at a time is all I can do. 
Until I am done. 
Then, I will be ready for the real school. 
Life,  and to see if I'm ready to take my education and make it work for me. 



NaPoWriMo Day 11: Singing The Songs of Silence

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The lyrics, of some songs, those songs, (you already know which ones I'm referring to,) can hit our souls, harder some days.
Whether, it's country, punk, metal,  pop,  or  whatever else  melodic trance that soothes your soul,  those words can be more than words. 
And there are days, that you cannot listen.
Because,  they are no longer relatable. They are just a memory. 
A bittersweet memory.
Instead,  those words, those lyrics that once were a lifeline, turn into a heavy weight on your chest. 
Crushing. Suffocating.  Asphyxiating. 
The only way to catch your breath, for now,
is to let go of the meaning of memories,
and embrace the silence. 



NaPoWriMo Day 10: To The Intimidating Ones

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I've been told lately, more than once,  that I  am intimidating. 
That,  people find it hard to talk to me. 
And,  maybe I should be softer. 
Perhaps,  its my resting bitch face.  That scares the weak away. 
Maybe,  it's the constant eye contact I make and refuse to break. 
Or,  it could very well be, that I ask direct questions and  won't accept inadequate answers. 
But, I cannot be softer. 
Soft voices get talked over.  Weak stances get walked over. 
If it bothers you that you must rise to the occassion when talking with me, then perhaps, you were never equipped  to have a proper conversation, discussion, or debate. 
That is not my fault. 
I am not here to  please,  placate,  pacify, mollify,  appease, or humor  anyone. 
I am here to be me. 
Intimidating,  loud, scary,  me. 
Intimidating  me,  who cries  over sad news stories. 
Loud me, who quietly  sings to her dogs. 
Scary me,  who  tries to bring peace  wherever she goes. 
I've learned though,  people see what th…