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Showing posts from January, 2014

Color Spectrum

He said to describe a color without any other colors.And he would know, so he says, because he knows  me.I told him it's the color of words walking off the page and into a memory.It is the color of the dust settling after a tumultuous break up. It is the color of rain drops on mud.It is the color of a flamingos fish and the tortoises soul.The aura of perfection and the taste of degradation.It shimmers and it shades.It is the sunrise and the sunset and everything in between.And he said your color is light. I said how can light be a color?He said how can it not?  It can shadow something simply  or it can blaze up the smallest of rooms.And I said no I was trying to describe you-a rainbow-every color I've ever seen or imagined. The colors in the prisms and the color wheel. A burst of energy and love. Every color shining brightly on their own even while grouped together.And he smiled and said "Exactly-you can't appreciate the rainbow without the light".

Kindness Friday

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Who doesn't love money? Or the prospect of winning some?That was my inspiration today. But first I was shown kindness and witnessed it this week and feel like that's always important to recognize. In no particular order here are my top three:-One of my coworkers emailed me and asked if the shelter I volunteer at was the one featured in the paper about being low on food and necessities. After I checked with my volunteer coordinator there she said they were hurting due to being almost at capacity due to the cold weather. I immediately emailed back my friend and told her I was doing a food drive and she was on it and asked for a list of their urgent needs.Thanks for the heads up Jena!-My co-workers & friends have donated to the Polar Bear Plunge that benefits the Special Olympics of Michigan that I am collecting for. You guys rock.-A patient told me my hair looked nice when I felt it was looking craptacular. A word of kindness can boost someones soul for the day please rememb…

Sunday Confessions: Ageing

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My mom says age is just a number.



That our age doesn't define us. Only we can define ourselves. 

She's a staunch believer that it's important to not take life too seriously.
That how we view life and live is a true reflection of our age and thats way more important than the year we were born.

And while all that is fine and dandy l can't help but notice she's taken to some new habits and changes in the past few years.

Her hands are gnarled with memories and brilliant blue veins clash with her pale paper skin.

She can walk into a room and walk back out wondering why she went in there in the first place.

Sometimes when watching the sun spill over her shoulders the silver stands out more than the brunette.

I can't help but notice that even though her spirit is young her body is not.

And l have no clue how that happened. 

Seemingly it was just last year that she was giving me money for the icecream man, last month she was explaining what a menstrual cycle was, last week we we…

Shame on Me

On January 17th I went to the doctor's office for a checkup. While I was tying up my flimsy gown and trying to retain some dignity, my provider asked me if I had considered getting gastric bypass surgery. Time stopped for me. It's not that I didn't expect it. You cannot be morbidly obese and NOT expect your provider to ask that. But still…kind of stalled me. Stopped my engines. Dried out my throat a little. Gave me the sweaty palms. All of it, all within seconds of her poising the simple question.Anxious. I was anxious. There was a little shame mixed with guilt peppered with the bated breath of anticipation that I was going to get a lecture I've gotten my whole life."You need to lose weight. Just have the surgery. Don't eat so much."I have thought about it.Multiple times. I have nothing against the surgery itself at all. I have had a few friends that have had wonderful results and have some that did not have the best results. I would wager that the majori…

Sunday Confession: Reconcile

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Reconcile.

Reconciliation.

I can never say just 'reconcile'. I always elongate the word out until it's reconciliation.

It's a beautiful word that means to make better, restore relations to a friendly state.

Basically, make peace.

But when I hear that word I'm automatically transported back in time to the days I rocked the black and white saddle oxford shoes and the just as creative plaid jumper.

I went to a Catholic school from kindergarten to eighth grade. The type where we had the same 20 kids from kindergarten to eighth grade. Where everyone knew everyone's name and business.

Not exactly sure how much business I had going on during that time period besides organizing my Lisa Frank folders in my trapper keeper but you get my point.

If you're not familiar with Catholicism, there are seven sacraments -listed below- to partake in so we could be closer to God and in his grace. Or something like that? That's the jist of it. Honestly, I was more enamored wi…

Self Baptism

Sometimes I would think of you when I sat stock still in the pews wondering if I ever meant the 'peace be with you' I uttered when shaking strangers hands.Atheist would be the only word running parallel to your name in my brain.I would pray that I would uncommitt  myself from the congregation of degradation of leaving my salvation to a simple man.I'd grasp my rosary and say a novena-crushing 9 days into 9 heartbeats.Praying to St. Jude to heal my hopelessness.Praying to St. Michael to defend me in battle.Praying for the lost souls in purgatory including my own.It was your tears I took as my communion, your infrequent emotion as my salvation.Your name I sang in exultation.It was easier to see the holy mother in a piece of toast then compassion in your eyes.Too long I found the holy grail to be superficial touches and penetrating words.Or vice versa.Depending on the day.I paid my penance genuflected at your belt.I would pray that just once
transubstantiation would leave the …

Featurette Friday

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Featurette Friday is the name. Kindness is the game.Every other Friday  I will interview a person with the majority of questions focusing on kindness. The alternate Friday will focus on Random Acts of Kindness.But why Jenn?Because we see negativity every day and I think it's important to focus on the positive. No matter a persons background, status, or creed somehow, in some way my belief is they have been shown some kind of kindness and showed others kindness as well.

And I'd like to tell that story.

Interviewee: Anthony 'Tony' BarclayAge: 54What would you say your biggest accomplishment in life is: ---Helping people. Some people are born helpers-they can't help but help others. I've always wanted to help others. That's why I come to work everyday. If I couldn't help people I would have to find another job.

Any regrets? 

---Careerwise?  No.
I took a strange route to get to where I am in my career. I started out as an architect major. I almost finished n…

Bird Arm

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This is just a pic of the tattoo I referenced in Sunday Confessions.Happy Monday all!

Mind Palace

I've never been out West but I often think I would love to live out there.When my mind is tired and I feel like nothing is going right I check out and go to my mind palace.Yes.I used a Sherlock reference fellow nerds.Anyways.I've never had any particular state in mind. It's always just been "out West" to me.My get away is skies so dark I can see every star.  Sunrises so vibrant that the warmth stays with you all day. Houses few and far between. Animals running freely. People who put the wear and tear in jeans like their supposed to. Many quiet afternoons lost in thoughts. No need to be superfluous with our words as simple is more than satisfactory. That's where my mind takes a trip to so it can mellow out.But only for a few moments because when I think about it too long my fantasy fades. I used to think it was where the grass was greener.Where the sun shone brighter and where problems would float away.But...then. The reality sinks in that those beautiful nigh…

Old People Do Not Know Everything

Let me preface this writing with the fact that I adore elderly people. They are a wealth of knowledge that we are lucky to have among us. They have welcomed in many New Year's and sadly sighed as the end of those years rush by so quickly. They have intelligence that only a life full of experience and regret can garner.They have loved passionately, learned the hard way and danced with the perils and pitfalls of life, probably uphill, both ways.I love to listen to the older generation talk about their lives and what they have learned and seen over the years. No matter who tells it, there's always a magical smile and mysterious glint to their eyes, letting you in that they know far more than their willing to let us know. Maybe we're not ready yet, maybe they don't want to share. Who knows, I'm sure one day time will tell.However, recently I have noticed a trend. One, I cannot say I like too much.Some old peoples have been talking smack about our generation and the one…

Sunday Night Confessions: Insecurities

Insecurities-do I  have them?Does my dog fart and once the rotten egg smell has wafted to everyones nostrils lift his head and sniff in my general direction passively aggressively accusing me of the foul smell?Is that a proper way to answer my first question-well I'm not entirely sure.  But yes. Yes he does.So yes, yes I have them.Unfortunately I have not yet met one person who was not insecure about something.Be it hair, height, artwork, penis size, old tattoos, scars, webbed toes, a snaggle tooth-whatever it is-it can be kryptonite for their self-esteem. I wish we had limits on what we were insecure about. If we're worried about the sound of our voice then we don't get to worry about the moustache we forgot to bleach. If we are overly conscious about our ever growing backside then it should cancel out our hatred for gap in our teeth.But that's so not life.Whatever makes us different than the rest ,we notice and freak out  absolutely POSITIVE that everyone else will n…

Letter Day

You were sitting in the lobby of my work today. Your back was to me. Out of all the chairs you had to pick the only one where I could not see your face.The silhouette was the same. The purse was just like one you would have loved. The way your hair fell in that uneven pattern made me question what I knew to be true.  I held onto the rail of the stairs in the case my reality would run away with the "should haves and could haves"  like it sometimes does at night. Every step was one moment closer towards a fraudulent happiness only to be shattered by a heart dropping dose of pain all over again.I made it to the landing and instead of going straight to my lunch table I walked the long way around just so I could see your face.And I saw it.You were you. You were just some stranger. You weren't my friend.I knew that already because she died.But I could not NOT look.Maybe because it had been so long since I had seen hers.Maybe because I never said what I had bottled up inside fo…

There Are Two Types of People

There are people you meet who take your breath away.They are walking dreams that dance or die right before our eyes.And I never know whether to laugh or cry or pause with purpose when I meet them.They are the people who wear a smile in their eyes,  full of contented sighs, and bring laughter wherever they go.They are lovely unexpected bastards that pop up in our lives with no warning.They present themselves right outside our grasp and control. The dance up to the clouds. Trying to find some long ago promised nirvana.Enticing and encouraging others to follow their lead.Hinting at heaven, we follow one Achilled heel at a time waiting to see where these dreams may go.Where they can go.Then.Then there are the assholes.The people who are perpetually poor in spirit. Who find every unkind thing to say.Those who make us shear off our teeth when we clench our jaws in our sleep.They find a dream only to pick it apart and mock it. They choose to expose it for possible weakness- refusing to see t…

Kind Friday

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I wish I had a catchier name than "Kind Friday" but that's what I got so far. Any suggestions let me know and it shall be considered.One of my goals this year was to work in random acts of kindness at least once a month.I'm upping it to twice a month on Fridays. The alternate Fridays will be Featurette Fridays where I'll have a story of someone interesting. (For the record I don't need help with that title-I like Featurette Friday).But first I have to share the love that I was shown this week.Multiple times. One of my sweet girlfriends who I used to work with dropped by my work with a surprise for no other reason than to put a smile on my face. She brought me a framed print of Dali's Apparition of Face and Fruit Dish on the Beach.My favorite piece by my favorite artist. Just to be nice.The PA I work with called and heard my raspy voice and brought me in cough drops.She did make me sing out "Rrrrriiiicccooollllaaaaa" before forking them over but …

Step by Step

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Sometimes when I come into work it's dark.No lights, no people...kinda creepy at times. So it makes sense to skip the stairs and take the elevator directly into my department.Exactly right.Sometimes I'm running late, and even though the elevator can take a few moments it's still faster than trying to run up the stairs. I wouldn't want to trip that could be dangerous.Wouldn't want to risk it. Better be safe than sorry.

When the rest of the girls are racing back upstairs after lunch, I take the elevator because I don't want to slow them down or subject them to my labored breathing once I make it to the summit.It seems no matter what the situation is I can find a "valid" reason to skip the stairs.

Conveinence is a horrible habit to get attached to. It allows you to think you're 'being time efficient' or 'working smarter not harder'.

When you've made a commitment to yourself to change for the better sometimes it's best to 'wor…

Alistair McDainty

I haven't thought of her in ages. I was walking Rufus, well technically just trying to stay alive on the roads that are temporary skating rinks, when I looked at a neighbors house trying desperately to remember her name.Alistair McDainty was the only name I could recall. And it wasn't even a real one. That was the name I picked for my older next door neighbor when I was a child.Nevermind she was an older lady and I gave her a traditionally male name for no other reason than I liked it. McDainty of course because she was fragile and seemingly always had lace on her.On her purse. On her dresses. Her curtains. On her handkerchief.I didn't know her but I was sure I didn't like her. And how was my 9 year old self so intuitive?She was mean. And I had a habit of not liking mean people.She was so mean she never smiled. She was so mean she never came to the parties my mom made me invite her to. She was so mean she never gave out candy on Halloween. She was so mean that no one e…

Fear Facer

As long as I can remember I have not been a fan of spiders.I know they're important to our ecosystem.I know they don't mean me harm and it's a rare spider that can do harm to me.But.That does not stop me from screaming like I'm in a horror film when I see a sweet daddy long leg crawling on my shower curtains.It doesn't stop me from jumping around like my feet are on fire.So tonights movie choice surprised my family.Yep. Arachnophobia.I'm watching it.In the dark.Not going to lie kinda feel like a bad ass.But I will not ever eat popcorn while watching this movie. I'm not going to tempt fate you guys.

Restarted.

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I almost talked myself out of writing this again.

Amazingly,when tweaking my original blog, I deleted my entries.

I  know I only had it for one week.
I know I didn't have mor than ten entries.
But it was my baby and I loved it. It was a promise to myself that I would accept joy today rather than postponing to that ever present someday.

You know what I mean.

Someday I'll lose weight.
Someday we'll invite the neighbors over.
Someday I'll reconcile with my family.

The problem with someday is that it rarely ever comes. Our dreams, our goals, everything we intend to do tend to stay on the back burner.

Still warm, still within eyesight but never really making it to the front burner.

So when it's time to sit down to eat and we look at our options we find at times we don't have anything substantial on our plate because we never had time to tend to it.

I don't want to be that person.
I don't want to dream of tomorrows when i have all of today to make my goals come …