Part-Time Brain Sharter

I try to listen.

Very, very hard.

And most of the time I'm attentive and absorb the information at hand and it gets filed accordingly in the color coded files in my brain.

But if you tell me to 'pay attention' or 'now, this is important' sometimes my brain likes to revolt.

It shuts out common sense and goes on high alert. Sirens start blaring, lights start flashing gearing up for some train to come down the tracks.

It gets so worked up waiting for this knowledge and by the time it's relaxed and prepared to accept the information it's already been repeated to me twice.

And I'm left staring at the person delivering the information with drool glistening all pretty like on my chin.

It's a brain shart.

No other way to describe it.

My brain thinks it can get away with accepting this information but when the time comes it shits all over itself and short circuits all the good dendrites.

And I stand there looking like a fool.

Maybe it's a defense mechanism to ward off people who may want to exploit my brain prowess for evil geniusery.

Maybe it's a form of self-hatred. I don't think l'm good enough so my brain sabotages my attempts to learn.

My brain loves to play 'la cucharacha' over and over in my head when l'm trying to concentrate. 

Don't ask me why that song-it's just a default song. You know when you step on an elevator you'll hear beige music, when you try to teach me something 'la cucharacha' immediately turns on and up.

This does not happen all the time but enough that l should know to take precaution and jot things down for later.

Recently, my girlfriend tried to teach me to crochet. And I learned how to make one row. She told me -and showed me- how to 'turn a corner' so l could make the next row.

And was extremely grateful she did not stab me when l stared at her blankly when l had to be shown again.

l listened and was kind of able to replicate it but when l got home-nothing was in my noggin.


^^Yep, that's about as far as l'm getting.

So. l'm getting a book on it. Because that's how l learn. 

People learn differently. I know l'm not a hands on person. l'm a reader. l have to read and overanalyze to let it in. 

Once l know someones going to show me something l'm looking for paper so l can jot it down to study it.

I used to not say anything or try to sneakily write when I was learning.

I would debate saying anything in fear of looking like a fool. But over time l learned l had to do what was best for me.

Yes there is an issue with people learning differently and sometimes teachers or instructors teach one way but there's also the issue of us not speaking up.

In my senior year of high school l had to take chemistry. l could not pass it. l love science- l just couldn't absorb what he was saying and it felt like a lot of expierments and little reading. 

I never said anything.

I needed that class to graduate. So to make up those credits l went to an alternative school in between regular school and work where l passed with flying colors.

l read, l wrote, l wasn't disturbed, l asked questions when l needed to.

The instructor doubted the validity of me needing that course.

I literally had a F in my high school chemistry and an A in alternative class.
Exact same cirriculum, just different teaching techniques.

And the bad part about that?  People thought l knew it all along.  That maybe it was an attention thing even though that wasn't my style.

So my mom pulled me out of the alternative class because my instructor said l didn't need it and could pass my regular class since l was doing so well. 

I didn't say anything and went back to my regular class and failed.

I didn't get to walk with my graduating class. lt wasn't the end of the world but at seventeen it felt really crappy.

I ended up taking summer school and a really simple science course to get my credit to graduate. 

l should have said something. Should have said 'l'm not getting what you're laying down' or 'l'm going to take notes while you talk about why were doing this expierment'.

But l was so afraid of looking dumb that l actually made myself look dumber by denying myself honesty.

If l would have been up front-people would have understood. 

You have to be vocal in life, no one is going to check up on you every five minutes.

If you have an issue voice it. People more often than not will help you.

Teachers are there to help you.

lnstructors, professors, librarians, tutors, parents and friends are all there to help you.

You just got to be willing to help yourself and be able to articulate your needs.

It does no good to keep quiet or fear what others will think and say. That doesn't matter.  The only thing that matters is you reaching your personal goals.

lf you cannot hear ask someone to speak up.

If you cannot see move closer.

If you need it illustrated say so.

If you cannot understand ask for it to be explained another way.

The only person you will truly annoy or delay by not helping yourself is you.


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