Sunday Confessions: Bringing Sexy Back
I feel a disclaimer is in order today. If you are a child, under 18 years of age, please doodle elsewhere.
The rest of you can continue below.
I did not know that there was so much confusion about sexiness until I googled it.
Usually the internet is your friend but when it comes to reclaiming and being sexy I think I'm going to leave google and it's dorky cousin Bing, out of it.
And if l ever use Bing to search for 'sexy' again l'm putting the safe search on.
There was so much overwhelming sexiness that I didn't know what I thought was sexy anymore.
Kind of like when you repeat a word too many times you lose all meaning of it.
Quizzes, articles, advertisements promising to help "get my sexy on" flooded my screen. And pictures.
And this is where I got sidetracked.
I'm not kidding about the Borat one. It really made me think.
If you haven't seen Borat it's a movie riddled with sexism, racism, mocking political figureheads starring Sasha Baron Cohen who of course is in disguise as Borat throughout the movie.
ln the movie he sees the show Baywatch and falls in love with the sexy
Pamela Anderson. He later is shown her sex tape with Tommy Lee and his illusion of her pureness and sexiness is broken.
We can learn two things from Borat.
One don't get caught up in illusions.
Two, treat yourself like you are the sexiest bitch on this planet.
I think most of us get carried away with concepts and what things should be. We stop ourselves from relishing in the moment.
When it comes to sexy it varies my friends. There is sophisticated chic sexy, nerd sexy, funny sexy, smart sexy, hot and steamy sexy, angry sexy and frumpy sexy and so many more versions it's scary.
There is so much sexy that I don't think we even realize we are sexy.
We are under the illusion we have to bring it back but l'm telling you now it never left.
We've just neglected it.
Some of us have a weird notion that sexy is pretty panties and rock hard abs. High heels and perky breasts. Waxed vaginas and toned thighs. Flexibility like a cat and submission like the family dog.
And it isn't.
I'm not saying men and women are not attracted to all of the above because they are. But that's not the only sexy things out there.
Confidence is sexy.
Sharing your fantasy is sexy. Trusting your partner with your body and not obessessing with your body is sexy.
Finding time for you and your partner is sexy. l don't have children running around my house to kill my vibe. But my mother lives with us. My husband and l work opposite shifts.
So when that rare opportunity presents itself where we are alone we take advantage of the situation.
And l'm going to tell you right now it has nothing to do with silky sheets, pretty panties and shaved legs. lt's all about wanting each other.
Wanting to feel skin on skin, silence punctuated with sighs, trembling fingertips and quivering thighs.
Feeling the atmosphere change and charge and devolve into a sexual undercurrent and letting yourself be carried away.
That's our sexy.
Everyone has different tastes.
Some like to be spanked. Some like to make love. Some like multiple partners.
Some like toys. Some like to be watched. Some people like to dress up like animals and hump.
Frankly, l don't care what you do and what you like as long is doesn't harm children, animals and is very much consensual with your partner.
I just want you to own it.
Feel sexy because you are.
Know that your husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, friend with benefits, or gimp did not pick you because you are a carbon copy of Heidi Klum.
They picked you because you are you and have many layers. They like that you are funny and silly. Morbid and curious. Shy and introverted. Loud and obnoxious.
They like the way your ass sways when you walk out the door. They love the way the wind blows your hair. They wear your scratches like medals.
You are a sexy beast. Embrace it.
If you are single and reading this and thinking, you have no one to appreciate your sexiness. Think again.
You have you.
Being sexy has never been about other people. It has always been a feeling within us. Sometimes we ignore it, or repress it but we should not.
It is natural and beautiful and okay.
We don't need other people to tell us we are sexy or even have to show it to anyone else.
Feel free to moisturize your skin because you like how soft it feels. Run your fingers along the waistband of your sexy panties because you enjoy the contrast it has to your jeans. Take a pole dancing class to get in touch with your bodys' fluidity.
We live in a world that is both oversexualized and prudish. I find often times we try to seperate sexuality from people as if it is a bad thing.
We will objectify women and men as strippers and models taking in every inch of their meat as alluring and scintillating but ignore their humanity. We treat them with awe if they reach celebrity status and disrespect if they stay in local circuits.
We will try to desexualize our parents and grandparents forgetting that they had (and hopefully still have) a very real sexual appetite. We get grossed out when our parents allude to their sexuality and forget that they would be a wealth of information on how to keep the romance with kids, jobs and life interfering.
But the most beautiful thing about being human is that we are not one dimensional. We are multi-faceted and should enjoy it.
If we can be both the teacher and the student, the child and the adult, we can certainly be a sexy, respected human being.
Sometimes we want to ignore our sexiness and our sexuality and that's okay. It's cool to put it in the closet if that's what you're feeling.
We just need to remember that it's always there waiting for us when we're ready.
And when we are ready to embrace our sexiness we are going to own that shit.