Sunday Confessions: Time
Hot Ash from More Than Cheese And Beer is doing her thing again this Sunday and hosting Sunday Confessions even though she's not feeling the best. Please head on over and check out all the other bloggers who linked up HERE. The prompt is time.
Time does not heal all things.
Time can dull your reactions, it can make your memories fuzzier, it can help you come to peace perhaps, but that does not necessarily equate to healing all things.
I realized that at four this morning while I sobbed and could no longer see what I was typing.
This is my second attempt at my Sunday Confession.
I could have omitted all the above but l want to let you know, if you're heart is still aching from something that
happened a long time ago, you are not the only one.
And that's okay.
You'll have to trust me and believe my first attempt was eloquent, insightful and unabashedly honest. It was sadly beautiful.
I promise it was.
But it was also about my aunt who
passed away almost fifteen years ago suddenly in the midst of other things going on in my life.
I'm not ready to tackle that emotional, still-raw gauntlet publicly yet.
So, I shall pack up that topic for another day when I'm feeling braver and go another route.
Adaptation is survival after all.
We may not like to talk about it or
acknowledge it but we will all die. There is no negotiation on that aspect in our too short lives.
Choosing to spend our time wisely and living our life in concordance of our personal beliefs, ethics, desires, is our choice. There is no doubt about that.
When my husband and l started dating many years ago, we would always end our date with what we planned to do the next day. l would undoubtedly, tell him about school or work and then throw in painting or writing-something l loved to
do but felt was a waste of time.
I would voice that too.
He always half laughed and shook his head and preached to me that any time I spent enjoying myself was never time wasted. I begged to differ. I thought I had to focus on what direction my life was going and working towards a fruitful life.
Growing up poor messes with you.
It really does. You feel the money you
spent on any luxury you afforded
yourself, no matter how small, could be used better elsewhere.
That is how I felt with any artistic endeavor I pursued. I thought I needed to work or think about working rather than trying to enjoy myself.
I feared I would regret anything I bought impulsively. I feared I would not have a bright future. I feared the time I spent doing things I liked would cut into time I could make money. I feared many things but mainly that I would work hard and still be ridiculously poor.
I was a fearful idiot.
I have, I daresay we all have learned-or will, life has no sentiment or favoritism for the plans we lay down. It has its own agenda and what we think is going to happen is not quite considered in lifes blueprints.
We need to realize that life does what it want and as hedonistic as it sounds so should we.
And going against popular belief l am going to put it out there, that there is no real way to waste time.
Even if it is something senseless, or useless or not necessarily healthy for us it can still serve us a purpose.
It can be a valuable lesson for us to learn. Maybe not ones we necessarily want to learn but nonetheless the educational expeirence is given to us.
Time has a way of making a full circle. I feel like l am just about to meet my beginning again. l have realized many things that l should have a while ago.
Time marches forward and waits for no man. Without pomp and circumstance, without announcing itself, it is always drives us into the future, and does so unapologectically.
I do not make a habit of regretting things, but if l did, it would be the things l did not say, did not do because of lack of conviction or lack of courage.
These are the things time has taught me l better get hip to or learn to like regret:
1. Do it now or regret it. Really there is no room for maybes or somedays.
2. Time spent on things we are passionate about-art, music, writing-is never wasted. Rather it is an investment in ourselves and a way to brighten our lives and our communities. If we are blessed with talent we should use it. The world has too much gray in it, it can always use more splashes of color.
We spend such an asinine amount of time comparing our wounds with one another and reopening scabs that we drive wedges in between ourselves with people we can help heal.
This world is beautiful and amazing and we are here for far too short of a time to get caught up in useless bullshit rivalry.
Time does not heal all things, but maybe if we spent our time wisely saying our
"I love you's, l miss you's, I am sorry's, and the l forgive you's" we would not need to be healed as much.
If something does not behoove you move on, but make peace with it. Do not spend your numbered days hating or being in unnecessary pain.
You deserve to enjoy your time here.