What If Wednesday: April 9, 2014
What if Wednesday is hosted by More Than Cheese And Beer , if you haven't already checked her out you definitely should and all the other bloggers who linked up.
Today's prompt is What if I were the opposite sex?
What if I were a man?
I am not so convinced too many things would change. I am going to hope that my awkward personality would still be a part of me.
If rumor mills were accurate, I would make more money than my women co-workers simply because I had a penis.
I would own every good smelling cologne out there and you would probably smell me ten minutes before I entered the building.
I would never have to worry about waxing, bleaching or shaving facial, arm or leg hair.
I would have sooooo much time.
I would still tame the southern forest because I would be a gentleman, not a wildebeest people.
Maybe not that much more time because I am positive if I had a stache or a beard I would style it in a different way every day.
I would wear them. All the time.
There is something sexy about a suit. I would be a Barney Stinson, not in the whole sexing it up with a ton of women, because frankly I am quite lazy when it comes to physical activity way, but totally in the awesome fashion sense way.
I would probably catch a lot of sexual harassment suits. I say some ridiculous, ridiculous things. And I use pet names a lot. Right now, I get away with it I assume because I am a woman. (I know some people hate it and I try very hard to curb my tongue but it's hard to break a habit.)
From what I've seen in the work place, If l was a man l believe people would find it patronizing for me to call them sugar or hun, and report it.
But hopefully my suave suit would help get me out of trouble.
I wouldn't have to wear a bra.
**I'm just going to take a moment and enjoy that beautiful, non-constricting fantasy.**
Okay, back to blogging.
I would find out what is so fascinating with breasts. Seriously, I just don't get it.
No one would stare at me funny and say "You really like science and math? Huh. Usually girls suck at those subjects".
I could get away with calling chicks crazy and chalking up any legitimate complaint they had about me to their hormonal imbalances and menstrual cycles.
I WOULDN'T HAVE A CYCLE.
NO TAMPONS. NO CRAMPS. NO PAPS.
Sorry, got a little excited there.
I might get in fights a lot because I'd want to see everyone elses penis. For comparison. Or maybe I'd get a lot of dates.
But l am a woman, an amazing, funny beautiful one and won't get to experience any of that.
I promise though if l do become a man due to some improbable crazy Freaky Friday shennanigans l will never say the following to any woman:
-Cramps can't be that bad.
-Can I put it in just once?
-If you relax it won't hurt.
-Do you think l'm big?
-Wow. You can change a tire?
-The right way to do it is....
-Are your boobs real?
-Are you really going to eat that? All of that?
That's my What If Wednesday, until next time!