What If Wednesday: April 9, 2014

What if Wednesday is hosted by More Than Cheese And Beer , if you haven't already checked her out you definitely should and all the other bloggers who linked up.

Today's prompt is What if I were the opposite sex?

What if I were a man?

I am not so convinced too many things would change. I am going to hope that my awkward personality would still be a part of me.

If rumor mills were accurate, I would make more money than my women co-workers simply because I had a penis.

I would own every good smelling cologne out there and you would probably smell me ten minutes before I entered the building.

Sorry.

I would never have to worry about waxing, bleaching or shaving facial, arm or leg hair.

I would have sooooo much time.

I would still tame the southern forest because I would be a gentleman, not a wildebeest people.

Maybe not that much more time because I am positive if I had a stache or a beard I would style it in a different way every day.

Suits.

I would wear them. All the time.

There is something sexy about a suit. I would be a Barney Stinson, not in the whole sexing it up with a ton of women, because frankly I am quite lazy when it comes to physical activity way, but totally in the awesome fashion sense way.

I would probably catch a lot of sexual harassment suits. I say some ridiculous, ridiculous things. And I use pet names a lot.  Right now, I get away with it I assume because I am a woman. (I know some people hate it and I try very hard to curb my tongue but it's hard to break a habit.)

From what I've seen in the work place,  If l was a man l believe people would find it patronizing for me to call them sugar or hun, and report it.

But hopefully my suave suit would help get me out of trouble.

I wouldn't have to wear a bra.

**I'm just going to take a moment and enjoy that beautiful, non-constricting fantasy.**

Okay, back to blogging.

I would find out what is so fascinating with breasts. Seriously, I just don't get it.

No one would stare at me funny and say "You really like science and math? Huh. Usually girls suck at those subjects".

I could get away with calling chicks crazy and chalking up any legitimate complaint they had about me to their hormonal imbalances and menstrual cycles.

I WOULDN'T HAVE A CYCLE.

NO TAMPONS. NO CRAMPS. NO PAPS.

Sorry, got a little excited there.

I might get in fights a lot because I'd want to see everyone elses penis. For comparison. Or maybe I'd get a lot of dates.



But l am a woman, an amazing, funny beautiful one and won't get to experience any of that.

 I promise though if l do become a man due to some improbable crazy  Freaky Friday shennanigans l will never say the following to any woman:

-Cramps can't be that bad.

-Can I put it in just once?

-If you relax it won't hurt.

-Do you think l'm big?

-Wow. You can change a tire?

-The right way to do it is....

-Are your boobs real?

-Are you really going to eat that? All of that?


That's my What  If Wednesday, until next time!

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