Sunday Confessions: Cultivate
l enjoy gardening.
Cultivating the earth.
Creating beauty and helping life flourish.
I would enter 4-H contests but l would tire of their ribbons and judgement ceremonies for l have found my own self awarded prizes that l strive towards.
l like working hard, with grimy nails and sweat stained shorts as my participation medals.
Feeling the comfortable strain in my muscles that l have not used in a while- from kneeling, bending, and deweeding- is my third place.
Watching tiny seeds grow into hearty tomatoes is amazing. Seeing cucumbers withering away due to neglect is crushing. Watching life flourish or fail is my second place.
Fending off jack ass rabbitts, learning new gardening tactics, farmers tans, and learning to be real with nature is for me.
lt's not about being gentle with the earth all the time, sometimes you have to fight hard-against the animals, against careless neighborhood kids, against the elements, against yourself when you want to be lazy.
Mother Nature calls you out. Makes you do her bidding, her legwork at least the first few weeks.
She asks you to hold yourself accountable, to not be afraid of hard work, to be yourself, to let yourself be carried away with nature, to help you remember you are part of nature.
Becoming one with nature is my first place.
Feeling confident in peaceful in any environment is the best prize ever.
Being at peace is meant for me, and you, and everyone.
It is not only meant for those who are already peaceful and calm.
Who react gracefully and nonchalantly to whatever life throws their way.
Peace is hard to come by, especially if you're a hard person.
If life has weathered you through every storm on a regular basis it is hard to count on seeing the rainbow.
If you have only rarely seen the good that the earth has to offer with its love, compassion and friendship it would be hard to be content. You would only expect chaos and pain.
If you have always battled within yourself in the cruelest of ways, condemning your brain to not good enough, your skills to not diverse enough, your talents as silly and your beauty as lacking, it would be hard to be peace.
Hard to find peace, not impossible.
Sometimes we need to create it, we need to cultivate peace.
Within our families, with friends and within ourselves.
We need to realize if we can survive this life this far, through all its pain and uncertainity we deserve peace, we deserve happiness.
If it is the actions you have made in the past that upset you, choose to forgive yourself and pick peace for the present.
If the future fills you with fear and queasiness, take life one step at a time, there is no rush to the end.
What will be, will be-no point in unnecessary worry it will do nothing good for you.
There is no clear cut path to peace.
There is no promise that peace will stay if you bring it with you.
But l can tell you that the best way to get peace in your life is to realize you deserve it.
And the best way to keep it?
Don't give up on it.
Don't turn your back on it.
Don't let crazy times hurt your calm.
Don't think you aren't worthy of it.
Fight for your peace.