Sunday Confessions: Motherhood

Motherhood.

It is a club I desperately want to join but my body refuses to give me entrance.

Which is fine.

Read that 'fine' only how a woman can say it with open ended pain and confusion.

We have been together 13 years this August. Married 8 years this August.

We thought for sure we'd have two or three children running around by now.

But that is simply not the case.

Only recently, very recently, this past Thursday recent, did I get some answers and feel like I am headed in the right direction by a dedicated gynecologist who has made me "her mission" to become a mother.

We have hurtles and time crunches to contend with, but she believes she can help me.

Help us.

Help me avoid sobbing silently when another period comes.

Help us give away the love that swells in our hearts when we see an adorable baby and happy parents pass us.

Help us work past the pain when someone tells us we should "consider having children".

Help us feel like we're not broken.

That is a big promise to make someone, that you want to help them create life.

It is the first promise I've believed in a while.

Motherhood, is not for everybody.

Some do not want it.

Some cannot handle it and must put their faith in someone else to raise their children.

Some want it so badly but will never be a part of it.

Motherhood is pain.

But it is beauty too.

It can be a verb, a noun, an adjective.

It can strike fear into hearts of women who feel they're not ready, they're not good enough, not "motherly" enough.

It can bring blissful joy that can be palpated miles away by women who have only dreamed about having children.

It can bring envy and pain for those that simply wish to be part of one of the most beautiful relationships ever.

It can take a toll on your body.

Stretch marks and bigger breasts. Little to no sleep. Near heart attacks from watching the kids do something terrifying. Tripping on toys and cursing legos.

It can make you act like a crazy person. Yell one moment and then hug your baby the next.

It can make you strive to be a better person. To want to be the best version of you that you can be, for your children and yourself.

Motherhood is giving of yourself, denying yourself, trying moments, and scary moments. It is the ability to transform by  watching a infant grow into a young adult.

It is beauty, pain, and hard work.

It is unappreciated, expected and oftentimes leaves mothers feeling inadequate.

It is confusing, rewarding, terrifying, and beautiful.

It is loving babies in the middle of the night.

It is trading nights out for nights in.

It is enjoying the little moments. It is embracing growth and change.

It has surprised many who fell into it so naturally.

It has frustrated others who were nowhere near prepared.

Every natural mother, birth mother, step-mother, foster-mother, young mother or older mother it has been an unique experience for every mother.

It is a learning process.

It is learning about yourself. Your children. Your mother and aunts and grandmother.

It is the ability to love through being told you are hated.

It is the strength you have to say "no" and enforce punishment when all you want to do is hug them.

It is setting examples when you want to blow off steam.

It is investing in our future.

It is devotion, dedication and forever definition of a woman when she crosses into that territory.

But it also cannot be defined.

It is hard to define a state of being that is the embodiment of joy, love, structure, creativity, criticism, acceptance, giving and taking, pain, growth, and life.

Motherhood is the most fluid word I know.

This has been my Sunday Confession. Please check out the awesome host Ash from More Than Cheese And Beer and the other bloggers who contributed this week!

Comments

  1. Replies
    1. Thank you. Hugs are always welcome! Back at you :-)

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  2. If anyone would be a kickass Mom, it will be you. I hope your gyno provides the help you're looking for. I'll keep my fingers cross! And, if you ever need a virtual hug or a person to vent to, I'm always here for ya!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you lady!

      We're hoping so, we actually have a plan to follow instead of "if it's meant to be it will be" advice so we're cautiously excited :-)

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  3. I also went through this with my husband. We saw lots and lots of doctors and gynecologists who at the end said, sorry. You have to adopt. Then a year later, after I made peace with the fact that it will only be the two of us, it happened. I didn''t want to believe it, but I became pregnant. And when he was 9 months old, I fell pregnant AGAIN!!! And when I finally started working again, when the two boys were four and two and a half, and I had to gain the trust of everyone in the workplace, I fell pregnant AGAIN!!!

    So there's definitely hope. Just hang in there and if I can have those five years back before all the bottles and diapers started, I would've spent more time enjoying my marriage and maybe have gone on more holiday trips and eat at fancy restaurants, because in no way do I have the chance for that now...

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    Replies
    1. There's always hope :-)

      I love your story it is beautiful & shows how life likes to do everything in its time. How lovely it is that you were able to start a family (even though your co-workers are leary of you now ;-) )!

      We're both at the point where if it happens it will be amazing and if it doesn't we'll share our love with others who need families.

      And definitely no fancy restaurants for us, but vacays are always on the agenda. :-)

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  4. Replies
    1. I love you friend. Thank you for always being there and listening.

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