Showing posts from July, 2014

Cheers To Not Feeling Guilty

I drank Saturday night.

Oddly enough, l do not feel guilty about it.

If you do not know, l made a goal for myself to not drink this year. 

No extreme catalyst, no rock bottom story, no story of drinking being evil and tearing apart my home life.

I just wanted to see if I could do it. 

I lasted 7 months.

I have tried in the past and not succeeded and obviously, repeated that pattern.

Friends, the kind of wonderful friends that you may not talk to all the time but you easily fall right back in step with like a day hasn't gone by friends, came into town.

We caught up at  a local restaurant laughing, reminiscing, commiserating and sharing about everything life has brought us to and l wanted a drink.

I knew before l went out, that l wanted a drink. Not in sense where one drink turns into a few, a few turn into shots and shots turn into a pounding head and a sick feeling the next day.

Just a drink to relax. Enjoy with friends.

One of the reasons, l think, l wanted to stop drinking was because it …

Sunday Confessions: Forget

My first time.My first serious boyfriend.Allowing other people to treat me like trash in some sick search of approval.My asshole attitude to my mom as an adolescent.Coming from a very modest upbringing.My laziness and my choice to wait for so long to become healthier.These are all things I thought I would love to forget.To brush anything less than perfect under the rug as if they had never happened.I wanted, desperately at times, to simply focus only on the good, ignore anything negative I had ever done or experienced because I thought it had a detrimental effect on my existence.Cruel words, painful experiences, fake friends, such bad life choices I made sometimes over and over, I felt I did not need to remember.Anything bad, painful or scary remembered would only halt me in growing, in learning, in becoming who I was supposed to be.But that is such bullshit.The only thing that would stop me from being the person I wanted to be, was me, being disingenuous about who I was, where I came…

Feats And Fails

More Than Cheese And Beer  is trying something new called Feats and Fails!It's Friday and I'm ready for something different so I am linking up, please stop by the link up and check out our host and the others who have joined in today.The "Rules":Write a blog post with the Feats and the Fails from your week, or comment them here.Feats: something you did accomplished, conquered or triumphed over or something that made you want to brag or
celebrate. It can be as simple or complex as you want.Fails: something you said or did that
wasn't so awesome, something that
happened that wasn't so great, a low
point in the week, or just something you wish had gone better...share,
commiserate, and then LET IT GO
because it is Friday for goodness' sake!Okay this week has been a busy one and I got a some successes and some uh-ohs, since I'd rather get past the 'not so awesome' stuff quickly, we'll do that first.Let's just rip the band-aid off.The Fails:

Brushing Worries Out and Memories In

She sat with her back to me.

On the edge of the bed, caught somewhere between old age and wondering when time allowed her grow up.

Her salt and pepper hair, the longest it had ever been, laid damp down her back.

In that silent moment before she realized I was behind her, I wondered when the last time someone had brushed her hair.

She had spent the a good time of my childhood, laboring over my long kinky hair. Using combs, detanglers, and patience over patience, to straighten, seperate and style.

She would endure my yelling, my screaming, my tenderheaded foolishness, and continue to make sure I looked presentable.

If it was my choice, I probably would have shaved it off or allowed it to turn into a tangled, tortured mess requiring no upkeep and leaving my hair only suitable for a rats nest, if they would have it.

But, it was not my choice.

Even with the pain and dramatics that ensued when doing my hair, there was always a moment of serene peace my mother brought me. The moment all …


It is time again for Sunday Confessions hosted by the one and only Hot Ash from More Than Cheese And Beer.Please make sure to check out her blog as well as the other bloggers who linked up today.Todays prompt is: Without.We often focus on what we do not have rather than what we do have.It is part of our society.We complain, bitch, cry, fantasize and whine about imaginary problems and scenarios.It has become so prevalent in American culture that we even have memes, hashtags and sayings based on the premise of "First World Problems".Normally they are sayings like, "Just got a new job but now that means I have to get up early  :-(".Or "I don't have any food to eat....only the ingredients to make something to eat".

Right...let's complain about that stuff.

Many of us, myself included, have complained about when we have gone 'without'.

While l truy believe that every persons struggle and journey is different and we should not compare our problems w…

Use Your Words Challenge: July 18th, 2014

Today’s post is a writing challenge.This is how it works: participating
bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short
phrases for someone else to craft into
a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words.That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.My words are: firecracker ~ hot as
blazes ~ picnic ~ bugs ~ sweat ~
apple pieThey were submitted by: Spatulas On Parade.As the days slip into weeks that waste away to months that simply fold themselves neatly into yet another year that has gone by too fast, I find myself choosing to live for me.That may seem like a silly statement but there was a time that I worried more about what people thought of what I was doing rather than if I wanted to do it.I would worry if they liked me, what they thought of me, how I could make them happy. I would literally wonder how I …

O.K.U. Unsettled

These last couple of weeks have been unsettling and eye opening for many reasons.Sometimes that is necessary in life.We need things, people and events, to rattle us, to test us, to remind us who we are and where we stand.Of course a reminder on how much more we need to learn and how far we have to go, never hurts either.Last week I went to a bariatric seminar on surgical weight loss options and the experience has been weighing on my mind.I sat for three hours damning myself for signing up to go in the first place every minute of it.As you know, part of my process of getting knocked up is losing weight.I am at an unhealthy weight and need to get to a lower one. As of this week, I have lost thirty-four pounds since the beginning of the year.I wish I could say that this is the 'last thing' I've tried and it is finally working for me, but I cannot.This is the first year I have truly focused on eating right, exercising and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.It is paying off, slow …

Sunday Confessions: Faith

I find faith both unsettling and comforting.Putting your complete trust or confidence in someone or something is both romantic and terrifying.Faith, I feel, needs to be questioned. Faith in anything, not just the dogmatic kind.Just to see if you truly believe and trust in what you think you do.Ah, I know that above sentence sounds judgy and trite doesn't it?I truly do not mean it to be.Faith is an absolute trust, belief, understanding, a confidence in something or someone.Absolute is a pretty big leap. That leaves no room for error, for mistakes. It's all or nothing.If one is to put their whole belief into something, whether a deity or a friend, all I ask is they willingly question, experiment and postulate to their hearts content.It is absolutely terrifying to me that so many people believe blindly.They do not ask questions or contradict what is being preached or said. They accept it and nothing else.If something does not sit right with you, have no fear to question it. Ask o…

Secret Subject Swap: July 11, 2014

Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap.This week, 12 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.
Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

Baking In A Tornado
The Momisodes
Spatulas on Parade
Stacy Sews and Schools
Sparkly Poetic Weirdo
Confessions of a part-time working mom
Dates 2 Diapers 2
Crumpets and Bullocks
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
Someone Else’s Genius
The Bergham’s Life Chronicles

My subject is How Do You Pay It Forward? It was submitted by .

I pay it forward.

Quite a bit.

I am a firm believer that what comes out of this world is due to what we put in it. If we invest in hatred and anger we will have a violent, angry and destructive society. If we invest in …

Love Will Find A Way

On September 11th, 2001 I was leaving golf and heading towards my accounting class in my senior year of high school.

The hallways were loud with silence as people were rushing to class and whispering frantically to one another.

I did not know yet.

I shrugged off the awkward behaviors as the weirdness that is adolescence.

When I got to my second period, my friend Curtis came up to me and asked if I had heard about the plane hitting the World Trade Center in New York. I shrugged my shoulders and said no, ever so nonchalantly.

This may sound crude, but I was a teenager, sure that horrible things happened all over the world daily, and thought to pay it no mind.

Until I sat down and unpacked my bookbag, slowly looking around and noticed that people seemed withdrawn and preoccupied. I turned my head to where the majority of my class was staring at the television, just in time to see the second plane crash into the second tower.

A most unsettling feeling slowly spread through my body as…


Intriguing, intruding thoughts once kept me captive all night.My muses, the words, came and woke me, shook me awake begging me to tell their story, showcase their lives, their meaning, the places they've been and where the will never go.I agreed.Their hand, I, penned and edited until their story came out, until I was confident once they were devoured they would be swiftly sewn into memories with their quick wit and biting repertoire.I sat to the side, a fraud, taking credit for their masterpiece.I am just the lowly writer, the conductor, but the words, these words that demand my attention are the story, they create the music of our very lives.Simply sated to be allowed entrance to their show.Once I foolishly wandered around with the words, their livelihoods, their meaning in mouth.I nearly choked on the sugary, sweet reminiscence of many of these words being used to soothe souls for  generations upon generations.Savoring the sour memories of these words. The times when people whip…

Planting Seeds

I find myself wishing for simple things nowadays.

A nice cup of hot tea, a smile from a stranger, a lovely unconventional conversation.

When I was younger, I would pray for world peace, to end hunger, to end violence until my stock still pointed-to-the-heavens-hands finally faltered then I would crawl into bed hoping my prayers would make a difference in the world.

As you know, it has not made a difference. Sorry about that guys, I tried my damnedest.

My mother-in-law has an eloquent saying she uses quite frequently which is: Wish in one hand and shit in the other, tell me which one fills up first.

Graphic? Somewhat.

But is the point made? Yes. Definitely, yes.

I spent a good part of my life wishing and praying for better things wondering why nothing was improving. I would wait and wonder getting mad at everything else around me for not improving.

Ideas, thoughts, happy wishes, good thoughts, prayers, are all wonderful things.

But they are only the beginning of a long process.