Sunday Confessions: Sex

Sex is not bad.

Enjoying sex does not make you a wanton whore.

Having sex with multiple partners does not make you a slut or a target for ridicule.

Having an S.T.D. (sexually transmitted disease) or an S.T.I. (Sexually Transmitted Infection) does not devalue your worth as a human.

Sex is not bad.

I feel I need to reiterate this point, and probably will several times, because our society has an awkward love-hate, love-the-intercourse-but-judge-the-fornicator relationship with sex.

There is an odd value put on a young woman who is a virgin.

She is considered pure, virtous, and upstanding because she has chosen not to do something.

That seems asinine to me.

A person is not worthy of praise because they have not put a penis in a vagina, anus, or mouth, or because they have not yet been penetrated with a penis, toy or fingers.

Likewise, an adult does not deserve ridicule for still being a virgin.

It is their choice, their body, their journey.

What if someone was in love with their partner of three years and gave themselves to them? Does that devalue their relationship or their love?

What if someone forcefully had their virginity taken from them? Does that automatically devalue them?

No, it does not.

We have no right to judge anyone for their choices or circumstances.

We normally do not provide commentary on how our friends, family and acquaintances pay their bills, how they enjoy their food prepared or what activities they like participating in.

So why do we feel we have a right to judge what people do or do not do sexually?

I assume it is rooted in our beliefs whatever they are.

I assume it is because we think we have the right to be a Judgey McJudgerton.

I assume because well, we are assholes at times.

Growing up in a single mother Catholic household, sex guilt was palpable. The fear of sex, the fear of even talking about sex set my nerves on fire.

It was my mother, not me who was open and honest about sex.

Please note, I was a young who seriously thought about becoming a nun and fell in love with the Amish lifestyle.

If you're wondering, I didn't go down either route.

I was the one who considered sex wrong. I was the one who felt dirty and wrong for kissing boys before marriage and copping feels in passionate settings.

My mother encouraged questions and answered them honestly. She explained whatever I asked.

Yet, there was a conflict.

My school, oh my private Catholic school, focused on the dirty aspects of sex.

How sex was wrong before marriage, how sex before marriage would most likely lead to an S.T.D., how everyone would know you were 'used up' once you had sex and no one would want you and that was their right.

Slut shaming. Looking back l recognize they were teaching slut shaming and how to accept it.

What. The. Hell.

It is not only in private schools, or religious households, it is rampant everywhere.

We find it acceptable to judge a person on what turns them on, what pleasures them, what they have experimented with-as if who they are is irrelevant.

Calling a woman a slut, a whore, or a hoe is completely acceptable language in our society when we are judging them.

Likewise calling a woman a minx, a flirt, a tease is absolutely acceptable as well.

Applauding a man for screwing a woman is also acceptable because that makes him a man and her, well just another slut.

Calling a man a sissy, a pussy, or a wimp for not having sex is also somehow acceptable.

I find none of it acceptable.

We need to fix this.

We need to be open about sex.

We need to be receptive.

We need to not judge.

We need to accept not everyone holds the same values or has the same reservations about sex.

We need to acknowledge some people are open and willing to experiment to find out what they like.

We need to embrace that it is not any of our damn business.

Sex is not bad.

Slut shaming is bad.

Rape and rape culture is bad.

Sex trafficking is bad.

Choosing to judge a person and determine their morality to be lacking based on what they like shoved in their orifices is asinine.

If it is enthusiastically consensual-

If it is legal-

If it is pleasurable to them and their partner(s)-

Wait, why am I trying to justify someones lifestyle?

I do not need to.

Sex is not bad.

What people do in their bedrooms-or wherever they want to have sex-is up to them and it is none of our business.

This has been a Sunday Confession with More Than Cheese And Beer, if you haven't stopped over there yet you definitely should check her out as well as the other bloggers who joined in today.


  1. I love everything about this. and it just makes me love your mom even more. I hope to be the same kind of mom to my kiddo.

    1. Thanks Jenniy.

      And I have a feeling you definitely leave the lines of communication open for Evan to ask you anything.


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