Secret Subject Swap: September 5, 2014

Happy, happy Friday!

Welcome to the Secret Subject Swap, hosted by the wonderful Karen from Baking In A Tornado. This week, 11 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and
were assigned a secret subject to
interpret in their own style. Today we
are all simultaneously divulging our
topics and submitting our posts.

Here are links to all the sites now
featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.
Sit back, grab a cup, (or a shot-we don't judge) and check us all out. See you there:

Baking In A Tornado

The Momisodes

Spatulas on Parade

Stacy Sews and Schools

Sparkly Poetic Weirdo

Evil Joy Speaks

Confessions of a part-time
working mom

Someone Else’s Genius

Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

The Bergham’s Life Chronicles


My prompt is:

If you were tasked with providing a full day of food (3 meals including
beverages, 2 snacks, 1 dessert) for a
foreign dignitary, and you knew their
satisfaction with the foods you provide could have an impact on the future relations between the two countries (yours and theirs), what menu do you prepare?

It was submitted by: The Bergham's Life Chronicles. Thank you Jules!

I am not sure I am the best candidate to host foreign dignitaries for meals-or anything really. I am quite sarcastic, say inappropriate things and am quite clumsy.

Unless, we are aiming towards a World War Three.

Is that what you want Jules? You want me to make a social faux pas and start an international riff so bad that it will ignite passions and lead the world into war so you can profit off the Weapons of Mass Destruction you sell on the black market?

Thank goodness this is theoretical or Jules would be cleaning up nicely from her weapons sales because I accidentally hit on the Prime Ministers wife when I tripped and grabbed her derriere to help balance me when I stood back up.

Breakfast. The most important meal of the day, other than happy hour. I would not want to make something heavy but also offer food that will energize them for the long, fun, and awkward day ahead of us.

I decide to go with a breakfast bar.

There is an omelet station with two chefs and a piping hot grill awaiting the foreign dignitaries to customize their omelets.

Both ex-boyfriends of mine, they offered to help tend to these guests, and attempt to win back a piece of my heart.

Sorry boys l am happily married now.You just need to play nice and keep cooking for our friends.

If omelettes, with their choice of meat and toast did not tickle their fancy, l also had a yogurt parfait bar available to customize to their yummy standards.

l know you may be thinking a 'do it yourself' bar may be the wrong way to go about serving them breakfast. But it gives them the option to choose what they want and get creative.

With breakfast, guests had the option of coffee, tea (hot or iced), orange, tomato or papaya juice or water.

Everyone was having a good time until l went to share my gratitude with Mario and Gordon. Thats when Mario could no longer take my rejection and burst into a scary rage calling everyone in his vicinty jackasses and dolts, which reduced poor Gordon to tears as he doesn't respond well to critisicsm or rude environments.

After l apologized for the awkward outbursts from my former lovers l figured it would best to get on our way and take them to explore the city and try to show my guests a good time. 

We made our way to Lake Michigan and talked about renewable energy resources, our downtown coming back to life slowly but surely and how l believe every seagull is named Steven.

Everyone worked up quite an appetitte walking the pier and trying hard not to offend each other.

Luckily since we were having beautiful weather we went with Lunch Plan A which was a picnic at the beach. That is good too, because Lunch Plan B was lunch at Taco Bell well, because they have cheap tacos.

The evening before their arrival l set up some tables and tents where we could eat. As they seated themselves l assured them l would be right back after l ran to the limo to got the cooler from the trunk.

I scurried as fast as l could on the hot evil sand when l was stopped by some friends who desperately needed someone to stand in for their volleyball game last minute. l knew l should say no with the foreign dignitaries waiting for me.

But you never turn down a friend in need.

So l played the last 10 minutes with them and lead them to victory with a few of my sweet spikes. Hot and sweaty l bid them adieu as l scurried to the limo to unpack the lunch that was ready to go.

I made my way back to the picnic area on the beach where l walked into complete, tense, silence. Maybe they could tell l delayed their meal by volleyballing it up for a little while? Maybe my impetous decision hurt their feelings and our countries relationships?

Nervously, l cracked dumb jokes to which no one laughed. I focused on simply unpacking.

I took the Mediterrean marinated chicken kabobs out and warmed them on the grill as they were already cooked and we had no microwave available. 

I pulled out the watermelon, strawberries, blueberries and honeydew l purchased at our local Farmers Market and set them out in pretty teal dishes. l grabbed the fresh mozzerela ball of cheesy goodness, huge tomatoes, basil and balsamic vineagar and made a simple, delicious caprese salad to start our meal.

I pulled out the ice cold decanturs of homemade lemonade and limeade and sat them in the middle of the table.

As everyone came to the table and began to chow down, eventually the awkward silence lifted and people began to compliment me on lunch and the freshness of the food.  We lingered over licked clean dishes and talked about the importance of supporting the local businesses and farmers by shopping at
Mom and Pop stores and the Farmers

At the end one of the dignitaries, I believe from Papua New Guinea, stood up and aplogized to the dignitary from Spain for destroying her sand castle.

All the tension from that afternoon lifted immediately and my heart felt ten times better knowing the awkward silence was not caused by my delayed return.

On the way to our next stop in our limo, the candy store, people kept noting they were still were a little hungry. Luckily, l came prepared and pulled out the peanut butter, chocolate chip, banana bars l made the night before which is a vegan, gluten free delectable treat that simply tastes sinful.

They gobbled those up and were reenergized to shop at local businesses and make it to one of our towns most prized businesses-Lakeside 
Emporium-the candy shoppe.

Our foreign guests loved  the bookstores and art galleries but fell in love with the candy shoppe where they tried a little of this and that and bought a lot of everything.

I did not want them to get full on candy as we had our amazing dinner still to go. Although it was quite funny to watch Peru and France play chubby bunny with their marshmallow treats.

We returned to the house and l left to finish making dinner. l made everyone their own cocktails and set out the crab puffs, cheese tray, grapes and the barbecued bacon wrapped weinies for appetizers.

I turned to my friend George who showed up to help me cook steaks to perfection.

We grabbed the filet mignons and put the first one on his grill. l sauteed the mushrooms and onions while he made sure the meat stayed juicy and flavorful. He quickly became the king in my kitchen when he suggested grilling some of the aspargus we picked a couple days ago. 

l seasoned the aspargus with a little butter and lemon and grilled those suckers. While they were finishing up l made a fresh salad with spinach, cherry tomatoes, cherries, and feta and a poppyseed dressing.

l plated the salads and took them out to our guests that were now seated. They were scarfing down the salad so l barely had time to finish the baked sweet potatoes but somehow l did.

Quickly and efficiently l plated the steaks, mushrooms and onions, asparagus and baked sweet potatoes filled with roasted veggies. l also put a warm cheddar biscuit on each plate but brought a basket full of warm ones as they tend to go quick. l took it out to them and we all sat in a loud silence, but a good one where everyone was savoring their bites of deliciousness.

As dinner was winding down l went back in the kitchen to thank George and grab my dessert. l have to be careful when l compliment him because sometimes he gets a big head and thinks he's a champion or something.

George and l said our goodbyes as he hurried out the door. l grabbed my cake and hoped it was as good as it looks. Normally l am not a baker but l followed my friend Karen's recipe exactly as she had it scribbled down.

I made her Pineapple Coconut cake with butterscotch drizzle.

 It turned out better than l ever expected, l should have made two there was not a crumb left! Everyone sipped on coffee or tea while finishing dessert.

After dinner and dessert everyone pitched in to wash and put away the dishes so it went quickly.

We foolishly decided to play Risk which ended in an upturned board, tears and screaming so l did the only logical thing to bring us back to happy-brought out the booze.

We drank, laughed, sang and danced and started to get the munchies. l asked what everyone was in the mood for and they shocked me by simultaneously shouting 'tacos!'  As a jolly group we stumbled to the Taco Bell that is right around the corner from my house and ordered way too many tacos and baja blasts and conga-lined our way back to my house.

The next morning, my husband found us all sleeping in one big pile in the living room with not one taco eaten. 

I daresay our countries relationships were only strengthened that day, as only a drunken night slumber party can do for relationships.


  1. Such an amazing post. And I'm not just saying that because my cake has a place of honor in it. This post has humor and food with a sprinkling of social awareness. Great job with this prompt!

    1. Thanks Karen, and as always thanks for hosting :-)

      This one was a little harder for me but fun nonetheless!

  2. This is fabulous!! LOVE IT!!
    If it should ever happen, I want an invitation! LOL

    1. Stacy you would most definitely get an invite! :-)

  3. I don't even know where to start… I love everything about your post! First of all Jules submitted a cool prompt - but then you went ahead and made absolutely delicious food, set everything up at gorgeous locations, but most importantly you were your regular, fun, authentic self and didn't turn into some brown-noser trying to please those people.

    Great, great job!

    PS: did I mention I am some sort of Swiss Ambassador - next time make sure I get an invitation, will ya?

    1. Tamara you would most definitely be invited!

      Jules threw me a curveball for sure but it was a good one! For the record...I don't think I have it in me to be a brown noser ;-)

  4. You had me laughing the whole way through, Jenn. Loved it!!

  5. This made my day I fucking love you!

    1. It's because your boyfriend George and his mad grilling skills are in here ;-)

      Love you lady!

  6. Your Pineapple Coconut Cake looks like a giant doughnut and now I want breakfast.

  7. Can I come? Please? Pretty please? I'm sure between us, we could offend the hell out of a few countries...haha

    1. Well with that are most definitely invited!!


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