Before I Was Me
Before I could be happy, I was sad. I was in a dark place. I found the light and appreciated it only because I tripped in the darkness many years.
Before I was comfortable with myself I gave into the horrible belief I should hate myself until I was the unattainable, boring, model of perfection. I hungered for for thin thighs, big lips, a sexy walk, small waist, and a round ass. I did not realize I would always be hungry for self-acceptance if I tried to follow ideals of beauty manipulated and created by people who did not care about me, know me or love me. I found that I was only satiated once I made peace with who I was.
Before I could improve myself and move towards my goals I had to admit I had a problem. I had to scrutinize my reflection and force myself to be honest. I needed to tell myself that I was lazy, eating unhealthy, unhappy and just bask in those truths. Once I could make peace with who I truly was, then I could finally move on.
Before I was comfortable being me, I was lost in who I should be. I was ashamed of who I was not. I was loathing my existence to appease a ridiculous standard that I did not meet, that I will never meet. A ridiculous standard I chose to hold myself to.
Before I was the me I am today, I needed to acknowledge that I have been me always. The mistakes, the flaws, the unhealthy ways, the self-loathing days are all a part of me. They all helped make me who I am. Maybe not the best parts, maybe not the happy parts, maybe not the beautiful parts of me but still me.
Without living unhealthily and sedentary for so long, I would have never found joy in the sweat and uncomfortableness of working out and small progress being made. Without those moments of self-doubt I would have never appreciated the importance of self-love.
Before I was me.
Today I am me.
Tomorrow, hopefully, I will be a better me.
Until I can be the best version of myself, I will continue to make progress and I will fail. I will learn from my failures and turn them into experience. I will take my experience and merge it with my determination. Day by day, I will embrace myself for who I am, appreciate who I was, and look forward to who I will be one day.
Today was a Sunday Confession with the one, the only, the amazing More Than Cheese And Beer. Please check out our momma cheesiness and the other bloggers who chose to tackle the prompt Before at the link-up. Don't forget to stop by her Facebook page to see the anonymous confessions as well. And of course, have a happy Sunday.