Walking Side By Side
It is in her eyes you can see the disconnect. Not all the time. Not every day. But when she's lost within herself, in the cruelest cage ever, you can tell by her eyes.
They lose their happy glint, a detached look takes its place. Her eyes tend to linger too long when talking. Or...they refuse to meet yours entirely.
When I was little I asked, queried, questioned and annoyed my mother to death. I daresay we all did. It is natural for us to be inquisitive and want to explore anything and everything around us. Patience is what got her through her days. Explaining and re-explaining ideas, answers, and everything in the big exciting world to me. Lovingly.
Every stage of my growing years, she sat next to me, walked with me, ran with me on my journey. She answered my questions about life, about where we came from, where we go, helped with homework, fielded my never-ending theological and philosophical questions and when she did not know something she would find out the answers.
Never be afraid to ask or search for knowledge, she would say while unabashedly questioning others or ideas.
It can be frustrating at times. Especially when I feel I am losing her in front of me. It can be scary when I feel like I am losing my mind when she asks the same repetitive chorus over and over. It can be unsettling not knowing where this disease will take us.
But I know one thing.
We are all on this journey together.
This time a little backwards. It's her time to ask me the questions and me to supply the answers. It can be frustrating yes, but the patience she not only paid me when I was younger she also taught me with her examples. It can be scary, I just need to remember to reach out and ask for answers, for help, for support when need be fearlessly. It can be unsettling, but everything in life is.
We have no clue where life can or will take us. So, we must focus on what we can in our day to day life and remember we are never truly lost. Instead, we are simply finding ourselves amongst the unexpected twists and turns in this journey called life.