My Open Relationship(s)
It has taken me a while to become okay with having an open relationship.
Well actually, open relationships.
I have a few open relationships, all with people I truly love. I'm not sure I can say I love them equally, but I love them each fiercely, honestly and appreciate the uniqueness they offer to this world.
I am not perfect. I will never be perfect. It took me too many years of self-loathing to realize this and to realize that it is okay. Often times, I hid who I was because I felt I was not good enough for....well anyone. It was not uncommon for me to not share my feelings and emotions, to chastise myself extensively for any and every mistake I made and apologize for simply existing.
Life gets so damn tiring living in the dark. That's why I decided open relationships work best for me. Having open and honest relationships with friends and family brought me out of my darkness and into the light of love.
Making mistakes is par for the course, owning up to them and learning from them is what can help us win this game called life. I might share too much, care too much, love hard, be too loud, but it is who I am. It is a blessing to be able to share who I am with people in my life who do not ask me to censor myself. I can share my pain, my desires, my failures...without fear of judgement. I can be open and honest and it is liberating.
I am error. I am impetuous. I am learning. I am trying. I fail more than I succeed. I get frustrated and cry over silly things. I try not to let people know when it all becomes too much. I reject help. And I am human.
Luckily, I am surrounded by those in my life who accept me for who I am, my shortcomings, my failures, my goofiness. They understand I am more than the sum of my mistakes.
I cannot promise to be anyone but myself. I can however, share who I am and accept those who accept me and move on from those who don't.
There is too much in this world to worry about, being ourselves amongst our friends and family should not be one of those things.
It is easy to hide our transgressions, our failures, the parts of ourselves we hate. But is that truly living or merely existing?
We deserve to be loved for all that we are...and all that we are not. Isn't it better to have people in our lives who accept and appreciate us for all of who we are rather than loving just a fraction of us that they are allowed to see?