Use Your Words: July 17th, 2015

Hello and Happy Friday!

This was supposed to post at 10:00 a.m. today…however, life had other plans, so now it's coming to you a little late. Forgive its tardiness but loves its content…that’s all I ask. ;)

Today’s post is a writing challenge. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.

 At the end of this post you’ll find links to the other blogs featuring this challenge. Check them all out, see what words they got and how they used them. 

I’m using:             Greedy ~ crystal ~ light of day ~ chalk ~ bean ~ promote

They were submitted by:                            

I have a pair of women I know, who I cherish immensely. I find them to be strong, independent, knowledgeable and honestly, ass kickers who take no shit from anyone. I appreciate that in people-women or men. To be able to stand up for yourself and others is admirable and though I hesitate to say rare, I daresay I will settle with 'rarely seen' in today's world.  I chalk that up to people wanting to live in their own little bubbles, wanting to respect their personal spaces, to not interfere or face consequences of extending a hand or 'intruding'. Truly, I get it.

These ladies, these amazing ladies, threw me off a week or so ago, when they were looking at pictures of models and they were commenting, "Oh, she's a slut", "She's nasty", "That’s a slutty outfit", based off the outfits they were wearing.

I still love them. I do. My job is not to judge. No one has the right (or time really) to judge. I may not like what they were saying about these models, but I cannot dislike them for their opinion.

But I also did not have to keep my mouth shut or agree with their opinions.

It was crystal clear that they were not fans of what the women were wearing. I looked at what they were scrolling through and could find nothing wrong with the outfits or what would warrant calling anyone a 'derogatory' name. I would not even know if I would consider 'slut' a derogatory name, but that is another debate for another day. Bravely, or so I thought since it takes me a lot to voice my opinion if it is different than that of people I adore, I stated I saw nothing abhorrent about the clothes to disgusted sighs.  I went as far as to say I would wear some of the outfits if I was more comfortable with my body. I said it didn’t matter what people wore, it matters what is in the inside.

I know, just  like an after school special I have to be dorky and painfully obvious that we should all be nice to each other and what is most important is our character not our outward appearances. Deal with it. They rebutted with the 'fact' that men are easily tempted because that is how they were 'created' and that there was just a truth that people are judged automatically based on what they are wearing. I was flabbergasted and after a quick exchange I dropped it. It was easier to let it go for me. I enjoy these women, love them even, and honestly just did not have the energy that day to get all feisty and worked up.

Luckily, for you, I am a little feistier as I type this. First of all, if a man is 'tempted' by a woman's wardrobe because of the way God created them, shouldn’t we also factor in the 'fact' that men were given 'free will' to make decisions? Does a woman wearing 'provocative' clothing warrant being called a mean name? Do they then deserved to be raped or mauled because they 'provoked' the attack? Or is that just a silly thought process….or not so much since a lot of people use that to defend molesters and rapists. She was wearing a short dress, she was out too late, she was asking for it…or she was a fucking woman and you are a beast who doesn’t deserve to be around humans. When is it okay to start judging one another? Is there an age limit? Can we judge the clothing children wore who 'tempted' pedophiles because they were wearing something slutty? Or once again, can we realize what a sad line of bullshit that truly is that we use to protect the perpetrators and vilify the attacked?  Secondly, oh yes, there is a secondly, why do we accept that it is natural to judge someone based on appearances immediately but not the fact that we can then CHOOSE to form an educated opinion on them after our initial judgment? I don’t know how many times I sat and stared at someone picking apart what they were wearing or eating or whatevering only to be caught off guard by a smile when they glanced up at me and immediately my perception changed.  A judgment can indeed be changed. We just have to change our mindset to open instead of closed.
Okay, okay, I am done. I had to get it out.

Maybe I am a bitch for writing this…maybe this a passive aggressive rant that has been festering in my soul for a while…maybe I am just a slut at heart and think other people have the rights to be sluts too.

Or maybe, I just don’t give a damn what people wear. Maybe I have been judged based on my shitty clothes I had growing up that we got from church donation piles, maybe I have been judged because my hair was hideous after getting chopped off at home because we didn’t have money for professional haircuts-that shit was fancy. Maybe I have been called a whale, an orka, a blimp, by loved ones, not really strangers too much, a little too much. Maybe, just maybe, because I was never judged to my face when I traded a piece of my soul for some sanity in the arms of other people in a false attempt to find love, I developed an understanding that life is more than what meets the eye.

Too many years, I found truth in the lies that other believed about me and my skin. My fatness, my unattractiveness, my provocativeness, my whateverness-I believed the one second evaluation they made of me when they rolled their eyes or wrinkled their nose in disgust at me. I felt I had to change; I had to be better, do better, and try to please any and every one. You probably already know what I found out? That it was damn impossible. There is always going to be someone who does not like you simply because you eat your beans a weird way or because you dare to show your face in the light of day. And it has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with their issues, their beliefs, their ugliness they are battling on the inside.

We have the right to be greedy and recognize we are not one dimensional. We are many, many, many things.

We are more than our clothes. We are more than our skin. We are more than the illusions that others create about us. We are a mess of skin, sinew, muscle, and fat, beautifully bent and blemished, made of star stuff, high hopes and broken dreams, simply stated we can be serious, scathing and sweet, troubled and transparent…we cannot easily be defined by our hairstyles, our wardrobes, our outward appearances. We are complex and owe ourselves the love of accepting that.  

People are going to judge us, they will call us lazy, fat, stupid, ugly, and other not so kind words. Maybe they do not mean to, maybe they do not realize how hurtful it is, or how sad it makes them sound but it does not change the fact that it will go on. However, we can choose to embrace it or reject it. I say reject that shit.

Reject the haters and let lovers in.

Promote love. All the love, self-love, loving others, loving your flaws and their mistakes,  the hippie kinda of love, the love that is hard to find, the love that rivals fairy tales, and of course, the love and light you grow in when you realize that this world and everything in it is not to be judged by first glance.

Links to the other “Use Your Words” posts:                             Baking In A Tornado                        Spatulas on Parade                                          The Momisodes                       The Bergham’s Life Chronicles                           Southern Belle Charm                                      Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                          Confessions of a part-time working mom                           Someone Else’s Genius                             Climaxed                                  Never Ever Give Up Hope                                  Sparkly Poetic Weirdo       The Diary of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver                  The Angrivated Mom



  1. It's so confusing when those we truly care about behave in a way that we just cannot understand. I'm glad you're able to take a step back and realize that, just like it would be a mistake to judge others by what they wear, it's a mistake to boil a relationship down to one action. Very thoughtful post, as usual.

    1. Nothing is ever quite so simple to judge or make a decision on one action/appearance, we have to appreciate and consider all the different aspects and live and grow from there. Thank you Karen.

  2. You always make me stop and think. You didn't disappoint here. I TRY -- I say that carefully because it is human nature to judge - so I TRY not to and if I find myself going there I will address it. I have a male executive client for years and one day he showed up for his appointment in a skirt and high heels. That was 3 years ago -- he still comes regularly and feels very comfortable talking to me about his outfits asking my opinion about colors, styles, etc. I have seen him else where in town and he is dressed like a man. So, I take it as a compliment he feels comfortable to dress as a woman when he comes to see me.

    1. Carol there is no doubt he picks up on your loving soul and can feel comfortable to be himself around you. And that makes my heart very happy. ❤

  3. I love this post. I work hard at not judging, yet find myself doing it. This will make try even harder not to do that. GREAT writing.

    1. Thank you Minette. It's hard to not judge and really it's normal and okay if we do, we just need to have open hearts/minds to change our perceptions.

  4. I think your "whateverness" is pretty damn awesome!

    In my line of work (Human Resources, specifically recruiting) it makes a difference whether you show up for a job interview in some nice, clean, professional clothes or looking like you are on your way to a grunge party.

    As for girls who complain that they are only ever perceived as cheap bimboes, they should probably look in the mirror and rethink their wardrobe. Tops that practically let your boobs hang out do not help to gain the respect you're asking for. Of course it doesn't justify attacking you.

    If we like it or not, first impressions count, and clothes are your packaging, and it's not everybody else's job to dig deep and figure out that deep down you're a nice person - even though in a perfect world that'd be nice.

    1. ❤ you and all your whateverness too Tamara!

      First impressions count to a certain extent. Interviews I can definitely see the importance of someone showing up clean and presentable as it's an indication of how serious they want the job.

      On the other hand, I think it's everyone's responsibility to figure out that there's always more than meets the eye. I recently watched a video of a pastor that said the #1 question he is asked about his church was 'what should I wear to service?'. Not what their dogma was, not what they preach, just 'what to wear', because people didn't want to attend if they weren't going to 'fit in' if they didn't have nice enough clothes to attend.

      He tells people to come as they are, as their salvation wasn't dependent on the clothes they were wearing but rather what was in their hearts.

      I guess my hippie self just means, pretty people can have the ugliest to offer and the unglamorous packages can be the best.

    2. I totally agree with that priest! I am not a church goer, and WHEN I go to a wedding, christening or funeral, I go to honor the specific people, and I like to think that God of all people will love and welcome me wearing jeans ;-) Oh, and I have never attended a wedding in jeans. Not even my own, and you know how I am NOT into dresses, right ;-)

  5. You always get into the heavy shit and make me think, damn you. I can't brain today, so I'll just go with the "spread love, not hate" I gleaned from it. As always, great writing and thanks for be sparkly!

  6. I grew up in a family with VERY critical women. My mom, grandmother and aunts were always picking other women apart, they still do. I have tried to break that cycle but admit it is so easy to do and so wrong.


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