Square Peg Needs No Hole

Last night, I went to a burlesque show. It was beautiful, goofy and graceful. Not one of the gorgeous women performing on stage fit the 'typical' mold of 'beauty'. That's because they refused to squish themselves into a predestined damn small circle that today's beauty attempts to be defined by society. They shimmied and sauntered all over the damn stage, owning every inch of their squareness and with every movement, flick and twitch they held the audience captive with their courageous confidence by being themselves and making no apologies for it.

And for the first time in a long time, I was jealous.

Not of their beauty, not of their dance moves, not of their lingerie, although every bit was unique and sensational.

I was jealous because these stand out women were confident in who they were and what they were doing. They did not care that they were not the 'definition' of pretty or petite. They were square pegs proudly displaying themselves for all to see with no shame in this very round world.

 As a square peg once desiring to fit into a round hole, a very square, wide peg who cannot find out how to fit into the slim round hole, I found this fascinating and uplifting.

Unfortunately, for too long, this square peg did not realize why she even wanted to fit into that slender, much sought after spherical hole. I thought I needed to, that I was expected to, that if I didn't fit, squish, or force myself into that pretty, round hole I was not living up to all that I should be. I am not sure where this asinine thought process has came from, where it has evolved from...but it has and it has clouded my vision of myself and caused friction with others. Anytime someone has offered me a compliment, genuine or not, I shoot them down. Callously and immediately, I make sure to inform them I am in no way shape or form deserving of compliments or kudos.

Unflinchingly I dismissed their praise and love. Although, I truly believed...believe...I am not worthy of any kind of recognition it took me a while to realize not only was I further battering myself down into the ground, but I was calling my friends and family liars. If anyone I complimented tore themselves down even a quarter of the way I did...do...I would debate with them until they could see their wonderful attributes, contributions or beauty.

Square pegs can sometimes spend so much time outside of that damn round hole that it forces them to wonder if they will fit in anywhere.  It might take some time but eventually they will realize they do not need to fit in anywhere that forces them to change their true shape. They stand sturdy and well enough on their own.

One day, maybe and that's a really big maybe, I'll be brave enough to do burlesque or wear sexy outfits just because I want to. More importantly, I am working on embracing my squareness and remembering that I have to fit into no predestined mold.

                                                        ***********

Today has been a Sunday Confession with the one and only More Than Cheese And Beer  about squares. If you would like to join in the link up with a blog of your own please do so at the linkup.

Comments

  1. Jenn, I love your courage in writing this confession. I struggle with this myself. I hope that soon you will be brave enough to do whatever you want to do.

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  2. Love you. Love this. Still jealous about the show

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  3. Jenn, I fucking love you. This is perfect. You are perfect!

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  4. Jenn, I fucking love you. This is perfect. You are perfect!

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