Showing posts from March, 2016

In My Best Friends' Beds

I asked him first if I could sleep in his bed. I didn't want to be weirder...well, weirder than normal. He laughed and told me to go for it. After he went to work, I (still in my foggy tequila haze) dragged my sleeping bag and pillow and crawled into his bed. The light rudely burst through his bedroom window challenging my ability to sleep in. I, luckily, persevered. I fell back alseep until ten in his comfy bed and before I forced myself up and into a world of overwhelming thoughts and decisions that weighed on my heart-I laid there a couple minutes longer. I traced the wrinkles in his sheets,  allowing myself to get caught up in wondering about his every day routine-musing if he had a set day to wash his sheets, if he always skipped breakfast, and what days he liked to grocery shop. I felt the purr of his cat calmly vibrate my thigh, until of course I tried to pet said cat and he violently hissed at me, such a dick-just like his owner. It was nice to get lost in someone else'…

You Want To Cheer Me Up? No, thanks.

You want to cheer me up? 

Yeah...thanks I am going to pass on that. 

No seriously. I don't need cheering up. I need time to sort and sift through the shattering of a life I am not sure I have ever fully embraced. If you want to get me back to being me or help me find the real me then you are going to have to let me cut myself on the fragmented pretty parts of my life that have splintered into unrecognizable elements that had neatly been compartmentalized for too long before I can suture them up with hope for a better reality. 

I can handle your cheering, your support, your encouragement to 'get better', but please understand I do not need a weak attempt at 'lightening my mood'. I need to be me. 

It is not that I do not appreciate your short-sighted, shallow attempt to fix a bigger problem that is raging inside my soul, but I kind of have this feeling that I should probably work through the feelings that are eating away at my will to simply exist in this world. 

No, I ge…