Ungrateful Isn't Ugly

It is that time of year when the leaves are crunchy,  air is crisp,  and we find ourselves...overwhelmed with everything. You name it, and we got that monkey on our back, as the end of the year nears the pressure is on. Work, school, homework, inclement weather, sickness, children, finances and of course impending holidays. But every corner we turn tends to have a jolly soul reminding us that we must be thankful for the abundant blessings in our lives.

Sometimes, people may misconstrue if we do not shout our praises and thanks, that we are ungrateful. That, however, is not always the case.

Abundant blessings?

Not all of us are blessed with support,  love, necessities, materialistic items, or  -insert whatever else- that would make our souls satiated. Some of us are trying to continue with this eggshell fine existence where yes at this exact moment everything is okay but all the pieces and parts that are creating the picture are desperately clinging to one another in a fragile and anxious state.

There are people that cannot hold hands around an awkwardly dressed table vying to say  the cutest or cleverest quip to show everyone how *truly* happy they are.

Some are working.  Some are healing. Some are grieving.  Some are reeling.  Some are hiding.  Some aren't ready.
Some just aren't happy in this moment.

How do we find what works best for us in our lives?

By weeding out what we do not like or appreciate.

It does not mean they are not thankful for their life.  It does not mean they are not appreciative for what they enjoy.  It just means, at this moment in time, they need time to themselves and no one has the right to tell them how they should feel or what things in their life they should be grateful .

There will be years we sit with family and friends anxious to tell them what has made our lives so good and there will be years we wish that they skip us because we don't want them to hear the emptiness in our lackluckster answer.

We all know some years are better than others. And this year?  This year, has been a doozy for a lot of us. Although I have had my fair share of rough patches, let's not talk about those today, I will probably share what I'm thankful for if asked. But, before I do that,  I find it necessary to say - we do not just get to be there for the good.

Let me say it again for those in the back:

We do not just get to run aside family and friends and stare at them lovingly while they gush about the good stuff.  We need to be there too when they have the ugly,  painful, not so fun stuff to share.

Why celebrate the good without acknowledging trudging through and overcoming the bad? Ignoring the ugly and awkward parts of life does no one any good. It devalues our experiences and tells us that we need to just paint on a happy face and pretend the unsavory parts did not happen. But that is not healthy because what we go through...grows us and we should be cognizant of how far we have come- even if we're not at our best selves yet.

Not bursting at the seams to share your good news? Not overjoyed and caught up in the holiday hypnosis of happiness? That's okay. Not giddy and gleeful? Not full of love and good cheer? That's okay too!  Really, it is.

Being in transition, searching for what makes you happy  while being quiet does not make one ugly. Judging people and trying to tell them how feel and celebrate is ugly and narrow minded.

Being not particularly thrilled or grateful for experiences you had to survive, overcome, or battle does not make your soul ugly or you ungracious. It just means you know what you are looking for to make you happy and you will not sing the praises of things that do not make your heart sing. And yeah...that's rhymey and cute but also freaking gorgeous, because we should never settle for anything less than sets our souls on fire.


  1. Although I firmly believe we can't fully appreciate the good without going through the bad, I have to admit that I love Thanksgiving. Not because we're forced to recite the good we may not be feeling, but because looking around at those I love reminds me that I'll get through this, the good times will return.

    Happy Thanksgiving to you and your mom, Jenn.

    1. Yes, reminders are always around us that we can persevere and move forward!


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