Use Your Words: April 14th, 2017

Hello and happiest of Friday's to you dear reader!

Today’s post is a writing challenge. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. 

Until now.

At the end of this post you’ll find links to the other blogs featuring this challenge. Check them all out, see what words they got and how they used them. 

I’m using:     evidence ~ update ~ gigantic ~ wonderful ~ apology          

They were submitted by:   Bookworm in the Kitchen (Thank you for the words!)
              *     *     *      *      *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *      *      *     *      *

Self love is a struggle. 

Well, that was the most understated sentence I have written to date. 

Self love is almost a downright impossible commitment after years of comparison, years of anger, years of doubt and shame being the only emotions I was certain of having about my body. I spent decades apologizing to friends, family and lovers for taking up too much space. I tried squeezing myself into an invisible abyss, regretfully acknowledging my offensive existence. Finally, after all these years, I finally realized the only person I owed an apology to was myself. 

At times, I wish I had a wonderful relationship with my body my entire life. I wish that I treated it better, loved it more, and told people who verbally eviscerated me to fuck off. Whatever their issue was with me...never concerned me. The pain and anger they directed at me had to do with their emotional and spiritual pain they were unfortunately not healthily working through. It was no reflection of me. Now, it has taken me years to realize that though. I internalized it, believed it, and lived thinking I was worth no more than the body I was in and that body was in debt. It took me too long to stand up for myself. But looking back, I do not think I would appreciate days where I wear skirts or let the sun kiss my arms if I had not struggled so much to love myself. 

It was not an easy step, it was not a gigantic one, was just one foot step towards loving myself that started to help me see myself through different lenses. One foot after the other kept marching forward. Some days, I tripped, some days...I still trip and get caught up in my head wondering what makes me so deserving of love. 

Maybe there has been an update...but to my knowledge Maslow's hierarchy of needs still holds true. If you are  unfamiliar with it. It is a pyramid with 5 levels. The first 2 leavels are basic needs. The foundation consists of physiological needs (food,water and sleep), the next level is safety (home/protection). The 3rd and 4th are psychological needs with the middle layer stating we need love and belonging...

Let's stop there for a moment. 

Love and belonging isn't at the top of this pyramid. It is right in the heart of the matter. It is the need to have deeper and special relationships. Desiring and deserving love is not the same thing. Every human being has psychological needs...and being loved is one of them. 

To finish out the pyramid, the 4th level is esteem needs (feeling of accomplishment) and the top layer of the pyramid is the self fulfillment needs of self-actualization (achieving one's full potential). It's a well rounded...erm...quite pointy pyramid that makes a lot of sense. 

Needing love and healthy relationships with other people is an integral part of life. 

But you set the tone on how people treat how you view yourself. When we 'accept' that we are useless and worthless we are telling others that they have every right to disrespect us and that we do not matter.  
We open the door for others to treat us like dirt, to compare us to others, to mock our very normal flaws, and cut us down to size at every opportunity presented to them. 

There is no evidence showing that anyone 'deserves' to be treated a certain way in life or that life has to be good to us. 

But there is also no credo that declares we have to take unnecessary shit from people who do not deserve our time.  


Even when it's hard.

Especially when it is hard. 

It is no one else's job but your own to love yourself and set the bar for how others treat and love you. Set it high baby. You are worthy of love. You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to be loud. You are allowed to be weird. You are allowed to own your worth and lived unashamed of who you are. 

Never doubt your existence. Doubt the people who make you question yours-then kick them the hell out of your life. 

              *     *     *      *      *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *      *      *     *      *

Links to the other “Use Your Words” posts:

Baking In A Tornado              
Spatulas on Parade          
The Diary of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver  
Sparkly Poetic Weirdo               
On the Border                   
Bookworm in the Kitchen   
The Bergham Chronicles            
Simply Shannon                     
Southern Belle Charm           
The Angrivated Mom            
Not That Sarah Michelle         


  1. Doubt your doubts before you doubt yourself! Love this.
    And great job with the words!

  2. I took me a long time to learn that lesson...and even at 47 there are still days. I am better about it than when I was younger.

  3. Part of what is so difficult about loving ourselves is kicking out those who disrespect us. Somehow we feel that removing someone from our realm is proof that we are not nice people. It's a vicious cycle, difficult to break out of. I am overjoyed to see you taking these steps because you are one of the most loving people I "know".

  4. Love love love love love love this. Beautiful use of your words. Beautiful post.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fat Girl Diaries: Thoughts on Losing A Whole Person And Still Being Really Fat

The Last Day My Mom Was My Mom

Fat Woman Taking Erotic Photos-Scratch That: Let's Go with....Woman Taking Photos Celebrating Her Body