Brain Dump: I Don't Want To Be A Christian

While wheeling a patient into a building, I asked them to hold the door as the button that opened the entrance had a habit of sticking and not opening each time. The person looked back at me, at my patient, shrugged, then waltzed in without holding the door. Which, is their right. We can do whatever we want in this world. But it doesn't mean we are free from the consequences of our actions. This was a very slight inconvenience but a few weeks is still fresh in mind.

"Well, that wasn't very Christian of them", my patient said with humor invading her voice and we both burst out laughing. 

Then I realized, the person in front of us was with the Christian retreat that was staying at the same resort we were. The ones who were proudly wearing name tags stating which church they were with...

I know, I know...I don't know their reasoning for why they couldn't wait the 30 second and hold the door for us but it still irritated me. It truly rubbed my soul raw in the worst way because...I have witnessed many of these occasions, as I am sure you have too. Where people who state they are Christian only show the ugly parts of their soul in society by telling people they are not loved or not wanted. Or, they tout that Jesus loves them then judge others for their sins conveniently forgetting that they themselves are sinners.

We need to realize that how we present ourselves matters. How we present ourselves to the world, how we interact with others, how we noticed. If we wearing a shirt that states we are Christian and we are acting rude or condescending...chances are people are going to link Christianity with rude, judgmental people. Which honestly....there are a lot of people who claim to be Christian in name only because they think it gives them some sort of 'in' or it makes them 'look better'. 

The last time I checked...Jesus was a sassy hippie who wanted people to know they had worth, their mistakes didn't matter, and they were loved . He believed in feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting those in prison, tending to the sick and loving those who felt unloved. He didn't have time for corruption, political debates, judgments...He was busy trying to put love into the world.

The more I think of religion...the more I feel disconnected. I do not want to be tethered to dogmatic rituals or to a building. I would rather my faith fill me and lead my feet. 

I don't want to be Christian in name only.

I want to be Christ-like. 

What is the point of a title that holds no meaning? I don't want or need to be tied to a label. Instead I need my soul to be led by my faithful feet following after the One who loves us and has brought us salvation. 

Do I sound crazy? I am sure...I am sure I do to some. And others are probably disappointed that I haven't yet fallen back on my atheistic ways that I clung to for so long. They will doubt my intelligence and feel sorry for my 'archaic views'. I know, because for quite some time I brutally judged others beliefs as silly or asinine. But, I cannot dwell on the past. I know my life is not for anyone else to live, so I have to stick to my convictions and faith and do what is right for me. 

I want to be light, I want to be love, I want to be Jesus to those in my life....I want people to know it's okay that we.....are human, that we will never be perfect. We are all sinners. We all screw up. We all make mistakes. We all fail. That doesn't make any of us less worthy of love or salvation. 

Being human...and being Christian does not make a person perfect. But, it should give us pause on how we act and if we are truly being Jesus to others in our lives.


  1. Lately I think a lot about how we, as a society, have gone from trying to live our religious beliefs to using our religion as an excuse for bad behavior. To me this is blasphemy.
    I am not Christian, I'm Jewish. But I did not raise my kids in the temple, as I believe that organized religion has become something less than satisfying. I raised my boys less with the religion itself and more with the history of the religion. We don't go to services but we follow a lot of the traditions. It is, to me, a much more satisfying way to feel spiritual.

  2. I have seldom felt like I was a "Christian" despite being raised with a strong church background. That being said, I do feel that part of my path here on this earth is to be someone's light. I may never know it, and that's ok. I don't need to. I try to spread light and love even when I feel I have none in my life. Because one kind word, one small act could help someone that is in a darker place than I am.


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