Scary Tales of Comforts from the Past: Remembering How Beautiful it is to Let Dead Things Go

When the past comes knocking don't how the saying goes.

And, that is quite a noble thought. Except...what if  you are one of those people who hate to see relationships end and believe the best in others, even if the majority of the relationship was toxic and anxiety ridden? I can tell makes it hard to not want to pull that door open and can we make this better?

Sometimes, we can become lost in our loneliness. In those weird moments of uncertainty while we are searching for ourselves, that loneliness can  urge us to blindly reach out to anything that bears any semblance to comfort, including creatures of the past that have only brought us pain. Loneliness doesn't have a memory for pain. It simply brings anxiety of being alone and would take a known pain over the unknown.  

In my life I have a friend....maybe not even a friend, a confidant might be a better way to describe said person. They can irritate me profusely and they know it. We joke about inconsequential stuff about 98 percent of the time. But that 2 percent we are not laughing like idiots or mocking each other...we tend to talk about serious things and they hold nothing back. They joke that it's their job to judge...and, well they do it  quite well. When talking bout delving back into past unhealthy relationships they quipped, "Focusing on the past stops your future", and as much as I wanted to debate them as that is our my heart of hearts...I knew they were right. 

"Trying to resuscitate relationships that have been declared dead will only exhaust you
as you attempt to beat life back into something that is beyond gone."

Finding comfort in dead relationships, whether family, friendship or romantic, only hurts you. It brings you no true comfort but hinders any progress you are attempting to make in your life. The butterfly cannot fit back into the cocoon because they have outgrown it. Trying to resuscitate relationships that have been declared dead will only exhaust you as you attempt to beat life back into something that is beyond gone. Assessing what you need to do to stay healthy is the only thing you can and should do. You do not owe anyone comfort, you do not owe anyone your time, you do not owe anyone anything. Saying goodbye for good will hurt, it can crush your soul and make you doubt yourself in the wee hours of the night. But choosing to hold on to something or someone that has only brought you pain in the past, for whatever reason, is putting more value on them than yourself when the only priority you yourself. 

The only person guaranteed to ensure we have healthy, happy relationships for ourselves is ourselves.

Say goodbye and  grieve, because it will hurt, but remember you are here to love yourself and accept love and nothing else. 

I know, that knock can haunt you. That pounding can incessantly play over and over in your head. It will make you wonder it things will be different, you will think of every possible scenario where they have truly changed, you will fantasize about how things will be different this time while putting your life on pause because the unknown future can be scary. But what is more terrifying is choosing to live in the past while stealing the possibility of the present.

Life will always be uncertain, that is the only true predictable factor it provides us. We have no clue what tomorrow will bring, we have no guarantee of happiness or security...but that being said, we do not need to reminisce and cling to the past of a life not well lived ensuring...that we simply have a weak, regurgitated, deja vu with people who have only brought us a sorrowful existence. 

What do you really lose if you say goodbye to something that has brought you pain, misery and heartache? Not much. But you can gain peace, control and learn to live and enjoy the present and that sounds way better than holding on to anything that will weigh your heart down. 

That saying....I didn't get it right the first time. Let me try again, When the past comes knocking don't has nothing new to tell you. 


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