Use Your Words, November 17th, 2018: Sluts Don't Exist But Assholes Do

Today’s post is a writing challenge. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.

At the end of this post you’ll find links to the other blogs featuring this challenge. Check them all out, see what words they got and how they used them. 

I’m using:      chronic ~ focus ~ slender ~ diluted ~ hamper ~ relationship         

They were submitted by:  Jenniy from Climaxed

This blog was actually supposed to be up yesterday. However, this week threw me for a loop and I was not at all prepared to have anything post on its due date. 

Earlier this week a person grabbed me, without my consent, and hurt me physically and emotionally. While I immediately expressed I did not want his advancements both verbally and by physically removing his hand off of me and twisting his arm he still reached out to me afterward to let me know how much I turned him on. I shared that it was not mutual, it was not consensual and that he needs to never contact me again. He then shared the only reason he did it was that I seduced him. He switched the focus immediately to me and how it was my simply existing as a woman. 

He then made sure to tell me that I should be flattered as a fat bitch that he even touched me. 


Because, what we look like equates our worth. Or some shit like that, right?

Oh, fuck no. Not in the least. 

It makes no difference if we are slender, fat, tall, short, left handed, brunette, bald, or whatever. We are people. We deserve respect. We owe no one our bodies. 

This chronic bullshit thought process that someone has 'asked for it' by wearing certain clothing, by drinking, or by daring to be alone in public, is disgusting. Why are so many people willing to accept excuses for disgusting actions and destroy relationships? Why are so many people willing to swallow diluted half-truths and asinine reasoning for justifying attacks? All we are doing when this happens is re-victimizing victims, empowering attackers and hampering any progress in our society. 

I am done explaining that women can be sexual. I am done explaining that touching someone without consent is wrong. I am done having conversations where I emotional exhaust myself to prove that people have worth on their own and not by what they offer others. 

Immediately when I confronted the asshole who touched me, explained that non-consensual touching was wrong, he flipped the script on me. I seduced him. I should feel flattered because I am not considered attractive in his eyes, in essence I should be thankful for his unwanted advances because at least it shows I have some kind of value....right? That should be my takeaway from the experience? 

Oh fuck no.

I refuse to accept this sick dichotomy that women must be both pure and a sexual treat upon demand. I refuse to think that a person's looks dictate their worth. I refuse to accept that I owe my body to anyone else than the partners I CHOOSE to be with, I refuse to participate in conversations educating people who should understand that  people have a say in what happens to their bodies and that the only person to blame in an attack is the perpetrator. 

I will, however, continue to call out assholes who do not understand the basic concept of respect and consent. I will continue to share stories, I will continue to be myself. No one takes that away from me. No one gets to tell me what worth I have. It took me too many fucking years to find my worth. I will not waste valuable time debating it with assholes who think that I am solely here to please them. 

This....was a rant. That contains a lot of the sweary words that I don't typically include in my writing. But, I make no apologies. Not a one. 

But I will say thank you. Thank you to a community of friends that the minute I wavered in my self-worth, the moment I let false-guilt wash over me and ask what I did to deserve this, the moment I felt ugly and confused....REMINDED me LOUDLY and LOVINGLY that I did nothing wrong, that I was entitled to my anger, and is here through the rage and tears.

Being heard....being listened to....matters to those of us who feel at times our confessions fall on deaf ears and do not matter. Find the friends who listen to you and love you through the ugly and gross times, who have your back when snot is on your face and the only thing you can do is curse a mish mesh of words that make no sense. Find them. Let them love you. And tell everyone else-to fuck off. 

Links to the other “Use Your Words” posts:

Baking In A Tornado                  
On the Border                            
The Bergham Chronicles               
The Blogging 911                           
Cognitive Script                           
Part Time Working Hockey Mom   
Sparkly Poetic Weirdo               


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. The best thing I can hope for, if you have a moment of doubt about your self worth, is that you would have people in your life to remind you. As I said privately, I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I'm proud of you and all of your support system for understanding this assault for exactly what it is.

  3. I think that's the problem we've lived with it for so long that we often have to fight ourselves as well as the perpetrator.


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